31 March 2008

Ruining "Lola" One Person at a Time.

Nelly: (listening to "Lola") dude, good song.

Me: Uhh, dude this song creeps me out.

Nelly: What? it's a good song.

Me: Dude it's about falling in love with a tranny.

Nelly: What the fuck?

Me: Dude, the line, "i know what i am i'm a man and so is my Lola" caps off the rest of the song and its overt lyrics about Lola being a man. seriously.

Nelly: (turning up the radio) "Well Im not dumb but I cant understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

Me: See?

Nelly: (listening to the radio still) "Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy wont you come home with me
Well Im not the worlds most passionate guy..."

Me: ...

Nelly: (Still still listening) "Well I left home just a week before
And Id never ever kissed a woman before
But lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy Im gonna make you a man"

Me: see, he still hasn't kissed a woman. she's a man MAN.

Radio: "Well Im not the worlds most masculine man
But I know what I am I'm a man
And so is lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

Nelly: Thanks for ruining a good song for me asshole. Now whenever I hear this song I'll forever be upset.

Me: Well, it's a song about a guy who falls in love with a girl an finds out she's a man, and is ok with it. Oldest love story in the book. Uhhh, sorry dude.


Scooter said...

If Lola makes him happy, more power to him.

Still, I feel I would be a little mentally confused if a Chick-Dicker tried to seduce me. Flattered, and at the same time, weirded out.

Stepho said...

I remember my dad trying to explain that song to me. I was about eleven. "Why does he talk like a man, daddy?"

zen wizard said...

What the hell did he think the song was about?

I like the song as much as the next guy, but for some reason I can't help thinking that this is just a British pub sing-along like, "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter" that just got lucky and stayed "cool" for whatever reason.

There seems to be a lot of confusion in album-oriented radio--on one hand, if you really went to an Aerosmith concert in drag, you would get your ass kicked.

On the other hand, "Dude Looks Like a Lady" was a major hit.

Then you had the Hair Band Era where the guys were practically in drag.

Or OVERTLY in drag, like Twisted Sister.

I mean, if you just came out with a song that says, "I Am Confused and Super Horny So I Want to Have Sex With a Guy In Drag," you probably would not get far on the charts, but still...

And if a heavy metal guy is really gay and is crazy enough to come out of the closet, he had better be of the status of that Judas Priest guy or Freddy Mercury. But being "suggestive" is okay I guess.

As Bret Michaels points out--not by saying it, but with his very existence--an aging AOR dude who doesn't throw in the towel and start dressing like an Intellectual Property attorney (a la Steve Miller) and tries to hold it together with a little eye work (or whatever--not saying he did it, but he looks strangely like a Beverly Hills charity socialite lately) risks the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians-quandary.

Drunken Chud said...

scooter, we've all had THOSE moments. the one's where we're all drunk and hitting on a chick that we think looks like madonna but in turn may in fact be mona lisa (whom i'm convinced is a man). we just have to man up and crocodile dundee that shit from time to time. sure, we may get slapped, but that's better than a dick in the ass.

because she is, stepho. because she is...

zen, i think he thought it was about a woman named lola. no lezzers, not trannies... none of that. he came from a pure place and i molested that place and he now has to deal with a song about sweet sweet tranny love.

( . )( . ) said...

Haha your opening my eyes to things I never knew!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

It's still a great song. Trannies need love too, you know.

Drunken Chud said...

boobies, i like to enlighten the masses. that's how i roll.

dr. ken, it's true they do. i'm just not one to give them the love. meh, maybe someday i'll meet mr./mrs. trannyright.

god i hope not.

Eve said...


Ya know, I don't know that it actually IS the oldest love story in the book, though.

Drunken Chud said...

ok, MAYBE not THE oldest. MAYBE. heh.

So@24 said...

I've been duped for so long.

Drunken Chud said...

So, it happens to us all. in fact i was listening to three dog night "joy to the world" the other day and i noticed the lines:

I'm a real high flyer and a rainboy rider,
i'm a straight shootin' son of a gun.

this led me to laugh cuz if you pulled it out of context it kinda sounds like he's a big big gay that likes to kill breeders. luckily the lines before it saves him:

you know i love the ladies,
love to have my fun.

i don't know what any of that has to do with anything, but, i figured i'd let you know about that.

Zen Wizard said...

The lyrics are open to the interpretation that she was post-op.

I know that is cold comfort, but we have got to give this guy SOMETHING!

Kristin said...

Just wanted to let you know that I tagged you today. Inquiring minds want to know...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

a whole month without a post? are you getting laid????