Well, over the past week or so I have had some great ideas for blog posts. These were doosies. I’m talkin’ funny, witty and creative, and those were just the titles. Yet somehow, when I was able to get near a computer I couldn’t seem to remember the slightest detail of what I wanted to post, which is highly upsetting. However, I have formulated a hypothesis about this. A corollary if you will. This theorem states:
“All great ideas founded in one’s own head under great influence of alcohol which are not committed to paper, verbal record, or digital media immediately will be forever lost in the haze of the morning.”
This applies only to great ideas. Shitty ideas and mediocre ideas always seem to stay with you. But the higher functions attained for the great idea, gone for some reason.
You may be wondering what drew me to this conclusion. Yeah, I didn’t think so. But I’ll tell you. Saturday night I was drunkenly making myself laugh with the formulation of a blog post. Then a lot of tequila more and I could barely remember I was house broken. The following Sunday was an all day drinking fest with the lions losing, the tigers losing and the wings winning. And I had some great post about that. However, ten cents per ounce beer specials thwarted me yet again. Damn banditos. Monday night was whiskey and television and I had a great idea about a show or two I wanted to pitch, but the whiskey wouldn’t release me from its grip. Tuesday… oh Tuesday, lot’s of beer at the bar, it was $2.50 23oz domestics. One of my friends was apparently having relations with a waitress, whose boyfriend of 5 years decided to show up and the drama! Oh the drama! But again, forgot it all. Wednesday just wasn’t fair. $3.50 boombas (32 oz) and the tigers were supposed to play game 2. rain delay, but no drunken delay, find out afore mentioned waitress quit due to her and her boy having problems. And again not a word on the blog. Last night was bad. It’s my bowling league night. Which means lots of drinking. We have a game called “one pin”* and things just get ugly. afterwards Joe and I headed out to Walled Lake to see our Smelly Pirate Hooker. She’s a chick who used to bowl on our league but can’t this year due to work. So, we went out to see her. They had a pint special going, and I wasn’t driving so, we had a couple. Came home, and did I, in my partial sobriety, commit word to page? Nope. I tore into my whiskey like it was my job. And that brings me to this morning. Well, now it’s early evening, aren’t I a great procrastinator? So, these are the supporting facts behind Chud’s law of creative influence. You are now informed.
* “one pin” is a drinking game in which you must first establish who in the league is playing. It can be as little as 3 people, or as large as the whole league. Once this is established, everyone purchases their alcohol and proceeds to bowl. Anytime in any frame, on any ball, if you leave one pin, and one pin only, standing you must call out “ONE PIN” for all players to hear. Then, everyone takes a drink. For example, let’s say your first ball in the first frame you knocked down 9 pins, you’d yell “ONE PIN!” and everyone drinks. For you second ball you miss the spare, leaving that same pin up. Again, “ONE PIN!” and drinks are had. If on your first ball you knock down 7, then nothing happens. But if on your second you only get 2 of the remaining 3, then you have left a soldier still standing, and thus “ONE PIN!” When you have 3 -6 teams playing, you can imagine how quickly you can get drunk. Good thing we only play 2 games.
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And now some links.
Ever seen the video of the guy who runs from cops and gets run over by a cop in a truck? he's back.
Fat guys and verbs don't mix. i should know. which is why i never attempt to make jumps between docks.
What idiot thought, "let's tie a rope to a treadmill and tow it behind the car and video tape someone riding it"? god i hope there are more people like him.
Ever wonder what a flock of seagulls can do to a horserace? neither did I. but, now, I wonder why i haven't.
The inside story of the webs 10 most famous websites.
Whorecraft? WTF? uhh... no thanks. NSFW
06 October 2006
23 September 2006
"Creativity lies dead on a slab in hollywood"-Kurt A. "Mad Dog" Henning
On Wednesday (Sept. 6), MGM announced plans to expand its worldwide television distribution operation and, in the process, revealed plans to move forward on sequels to films ranging from the '80s classic "WarGames" to the underwater treasure hunting saga "Into the Blue."
In a press release, the company announced that the MGM Worldwide Television Distribution Group will handle the international television sales for "Casino Royale," Daniel Craig's first turn as James Bond movie, as well as "Rocky Balboa," Sylvester Stallone's final turn as the titular pugilist.
That part isn't interesting. What is interesting is that the release says that the Group will also launch worldwide sales campaigns for a slate of sequels.
There's "Legally Blonde 3," which MGM describes with the slug "Beauty and brains bring big laughs," but without any mention of the presumably absent Reese Witherspoon.
There's "Cutting Edge 3," billed as "the romantic drama about the quest for victory among professional ice skaters." The 1992 romantic skating comedy got made-for-TV sequel treatment earlier this year on ABC family.
Although 2005's "Into the Blue" made less than $20 million domestically, MGM seems to be giving it another go, calling "Blue 2" a "new and exciting installment based on the action thriller about aspiring treasure hunters." It's difficult to imagine either Jessica Alba or Paul Walker being involved.
While the timetable on those three movies is vague, things appear to be moving forward on "WarGames 2," a follow-up to the 1983 Matthew Broderick vehicle. The release says that shooting will begin in November in Montreal on the "thrilling story of what happens when top officials try to dismantle the famous computer." No attached talent was announced.
In addition, as has already been reported in many circles, MGM is overseeing production on "Species 4," starting in October. Frank Mancuso Jr. will executive produce.
It's unclear on whether or not any of these sequels will be theater-bound or if they'll just take the lucrative path straight to DVD.
Taken from Here
--------
Fuck MGM. i just got done watching "the deep 2005" or rather "into the blue". Sure it was entertaining. Sure it had T&A. Sure, it was the same movie i have seen 50 times starring Nick Nolte and Jacqueline Bisset. They even had a bit of an homage at the very very very end of the credits. i enjoyed it, i did. but really, why does life need sequels? Wargames 2? really? what can possibly trump simulated (though thought to be real) global thermonuclear warfare? well, i guess actual (though thought to be simulated) global thermonuclear warfare. BUT IT DOESN'T NEED A SEQUEL. it is a stand alone movie with matt and ally at their peak. when back door had no hacker or porn connotation. when modems were designed for the phones of yore. and when touchtone was a novelty. oh days of yesteryear, how we long for thee... THOUGH NOT IN THE FORM OF SHITTY SEQUELS FUCKIN MGM!
ok, legally blonde 3? who the fuck saw legally blonde 2? was there even a need for #2? no. i'm just gonna glaze over casino royale and rocky balboa... they're jokes unto themselves. having had a past in working with horses, i see no need to beat a dead one.
i guess the icing on the cake really comes with the AMAZING decisions to make "the cutting edge 3" and "species 4". now, "the cutting edge 2, going for the gold" was a straight to video flop which i'll someday rent with my blockbuster rewards for free... but not today. i know of not one single person who has seen said movie. so why would they make a third? i know not. bastards. species 4? fuck, what happened to species 2 and 3? never heard of 'em next!
all in all i think MGM is doing the lazy thing and trying to generate revenue off of lost causes and quasi patent money makers. none of this makes sense as the viewing public at large has been demanding new and fresh material for some time. the industry tries to blame piracy for their lack of revenue, when they should look inward at the dreck and pap they have been spewing. please, let me watch shitty, overly CGI'd remakes of classics. oh please oh please can i spend 10 dollars to see a re-hash of a movie i liked 20 years ago be updated in a half assed shitty way with no acknowldgement to the original. where i come from, that's plagarism. dick.
i guess what i'm trying to say is: i don't mind if a movie is formulaic. or shitty. everyone here knows my penchant for shitty movies. but, don't try to be something you're not. and don't take your movie overly serious if you're an unoriginal piece of shit working of an 80 year old script of "rasputin and the empress". MGM, Universal, Sony, MTV, Disnep* and Warner, YOU ALL SUCK! grow some balls in your mainstream studios and don't just relegate good films to your "independant" labels like DIMENSION and LION'S GATE (which by the way has been severely lacking). i say this now, because i can, sell all your stocks in MGM. the same for Sony. Sony is going to plummet in the next couple years, and MGM will be bought out again. neither are returning on their speculations and both are making decisions only the daft and mad make. so, sell em all right now, so you can afford to buy back into them when they hit $0.20/share. think i'm fucking with you? sony has a history of fuck ups. the advent of the CD and the adoption of BETA by the television industry are the only things that kept that company afloat this long. blu-ray? PS3? dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. both, are going to be their repeat of betamax. though they may be superior technologies, unless you can bring it to the masses for cheap, you suck ass and like it. wow, way off topic. basically, the state of movies sucks these days. we all know it. so, go see beerfest or snakes on a plane. both are worth it, and neither takes itself nearly as serious as many other pieces of crap out there. /end rant. wow, i am one long winded self absorbed sonofabitch.
---
*Disney will always be known as Disnep to me since the cursive Y in the handwritten version of their name always looked like a P to me. hey, as a 4 year old trying to make sense of the world, Disnep worked. and it still works for me. next time you see it, try to not make the same mistake. i dare you.
In a press release, the company announced that the MGM Worldwide Television Distribution Group will handle the international television sales for "Casino Royale," Daniel Craig's first turn as James Bond movie, as well as "Rocky Balboa," Sylvester Stallone's final turn as the titular pugilist.
That part isn't interesting. What is interesting is that the release says that the Group will also launch worldwide sales campaigns for a slate of sequels.
There's "Legally Blonde 3," which MGM describes with the slug "Beauty and brains bring big laughs," but without any mention of the presumably absent Reese Witherspoon.
There's "Cutting Edge 3," billed as "the romantic drama about the quest for victory among professional ice skaters." The 1992 romantic skating comedy got made-for-TV sequel treatment earlier this year on ABC family.
Although 2005's "Into the Blue" made less than $20 million domestically, MGM seems to be giving it another go, calling "Blue 2" a "new and exciting installment based on the action thriller about aspiring treasure hunters." It's difficult to imagine either Jessica Alba or Paul Walker being involved.
While the timetable on those three movies is vague, things appear to be moving forward on "WarGames 2," a follow-up to the 1983 Matthew Broderick vehicle. The release says that shooting will begin in November in Montreal on the "thrilling story of what happens when top officials try to dismantle the famous computer." No attached talent was announced.
In addition, as has already been reported in many circles, MGM is overseeing production on "Species 4," starting in October. Frank Mancuso Jr. will executive produce.
It's unclear on whether or not any of these sequels will be theater-bound or if they'll just take the lucrative path straight to DVD.
Taken from Here
--------
Fuck MGM. i just got done watching "the deep 2005" or rather "into the blue". Sure it was entertaining. Sure it had T&A. Sure, it was the same movie i have seen 50 times starring Nick Nolte and Jacqueline Bisset. They even had a bit of an homage at the very very very end of the credits. i enjoyed it, i did. but really, why does life need sequels? Wargames 2? really? what can possibly trump simulated (though thought to be real) global thermonuclear warfare? well, i guess actual (though thought to be simulated) global thermonuclear warfare. BUT IT DOESN'T NEED A SEQUEL. it is a stand alone movie with matt and ally at their peak. when back door had no hacker or porn connotation. when modems were designed for the phones of yore. and when touchtone was a novelty. oh days of yesteryear, how we long for thee... THOUGH NOT IN THE FORM OF SHITTY SEQUELS FUCKIN MGM!
ok, legally blonde 3? who the fuck saw legally blonde 2? was there even a need for #2? no. i'm just gonna glaze over casino royale and rocky balboa... they're jokes unto themselves. having had a past in working with horses, i see no need to beat a dead one.
i guess the icing on the cake really comes with the AMAZING decisions to make "the cutting edge 3" and "species 4". now, "the cutting edge 2, going for the gold" was a straight to video flop which i'll someday rent with my blockbuster rewards for free... but not today. i know of not one single person who has seen said movie. so why would they make a third? i know not. bastards. species 4? fuck, what happened to species 2 and 3? never heard of 'em next!
all in all i think MGM is doing the lazy thing and trying to generate revenue off of lost causes and quasi patent money makers. none of this makes sense as the viewing public at large has been demanding new and fresh material for some time. the industry tries to blame piracy for their lack of revenue, when they should look inward at the dreck and pap they have been spewing. please, let me watch shitty, overly CGI'd remakes of classics. oh please oh please can i spend 10 dollars to see a re-hash of a movie i liked 20 years ago be updated in a half assed shitty way with no acknowldgement to the original. where i come from, that's plagarism. dick.
i guess what i'm trying to say is: i don't mind if a movie is formulaic. or shitty. everyone here knows my penchant for shitty movies. but, don't try to be something you're not. and don't take your movie overly serious if you're an unoriginal piece of shit working of an 80 year old script of "rasputin and the empress". MGM, Universal, Sony, MTV, Disnep* and Warner, YOU ALL SUCK! grow some balls in your mainstream studios and don't just relegate good films to your "independant" labels like DIMENSION and LION'S GATE (which by the way has been severely lacking). i say this now, because i can, sell all your stocks in MGM. the same for Sony. Sony is going to plummet in the next couple years, and MGM will be bought out again. neither are returning on their speculations and both are making decisions only the daft and mad make. so, sell em all right now, so you can afford to buy back into them when they hit $0.20/share. think i'm fucking with you? sony has a history of fuck ups. the advent of the CD and the adoption of BETA by the television industry are the only things that kept that company afloat this long. blu-ray? PS3? dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. dumb. both, are going to be their repeat of betamax. though they may be superior technologies, unless you can bring it to the masses for cheap, you suck ass and like it. wow, way off topic. basically, the state of movies sucks these days. we all know it. so, go see beerfest or snakes on a plane. both are worth it, and neither takes itself nearly as serious as many other pieces of crap out there. /end rant. wow, i am one long winded self absorbed sonofabitch.
---
*Disney will always be known as Disnep to me since the cursive Y in the handwritten version of their name always looked like a P to me. hey, as a 4 year old trying to make sense of the world, Disnep worked. and it still works for me. next time you see it, try to not make the same mistake. i dare you.
16 September 2006
The Muslims are pissed. Again
wow, what else is new. apparently the pope gave a speech in which he denounced the spread of the religion through violence. all religion. all violence. but because he made mention of the formative years of islam, in a quote from a 14th century text, THOSE PEOPLE are now up in arms. they want a formal apology from the pope.
now, is it just me or are THESE PEOPLE backwards? you want an apology... or what? you'll get angry? you'll pray? you'll send suicide bombers to the vatican? WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DISAGREE WITH? help me understand why you are angry that the pope denounced violence to spread religion? ALL RELIGION. he knows the catholic church sure fucked up a lot in its younger years and used violence and intimidation to proliferate. he knows islam was born of the same. so where's the problem?
it strikes me that people on the fringe of islam, and hell judging by the reaction to a drawing, most of the rest of islam just isn't happy unless they are bitching about something. their kinda like dirty hippies. only, instead of some earth worship crap, they have a judeo-christian amalgamated religion born of the two yet hating both that it stole from. this is why i despise religion in an organized form. too many nutjobs with too little sense.
basically, this is what it boils down to
Dear Islam,
In recent decades many horrible things have been done in your name by people fanatical to causes. This in turn has sullied your name. While you have done little to repair this breach, and even have a hard time denouncing such people, we have grown intolerant of your grumblings. So, dear Islam, we would like to introduce you Mr. Legto Standon. Someday he may be your friend, but right now you need to shut your fucking mouth and listen to what people are saying.
----------
And now for some links.
when doing a sports recap on live tv. it's a good idea to know it's LIVE TV. oh, and you shouldn't drop f bombs.
The top 5 comedians who had it, then lost it, and how they can get it back. even cracked agrees with me.
uhh... do yourself a favor and check out these pictures and read up on this bolivian prison. i've lived in worse apartments.
this is what happens when you try to jump beyond your skill level. sounds like a sucking chest wound to me. silly BMX guys.
apparently, your shoes do fly off when you get hit by a car. the response time is amazing by the fire department though.
ummm... i, uhh... it's porno... with pterodactyls... i'm confused. this is not safe for work. or for boners. but it is great for a laugh. i... have no words.
now, is it just me or are THESE PEOPLE backwards? you want an apology... or what? you'll get angry? you'll pray? you'll send suicide bombers to the vatican? WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU DISAGREE WITH? help me understand why you are angry that the pope denounced violence to spread religion? ALL RELIGION. he knows the catholic church sure fucked up a lot in its younger years and used violence and intimidation to proliferate. he knows islam was born of the same. so where's the problem?
it strikes me that people on the fringe of islam, and hell judging by the reaction to a drawing, most of the rest of islam just isn't happy unless they are bitching about something. their kinda like dirty hippies. only, instead of some earth worship crap, they have a judeo-christian amalgamated religion born of the two yet hating both that it stole from. this is why i despise religion in an organized form. too many nutjobs with too little sense.
basically, this is what it boils down to
Dear Islam,
In recent decades many horrible things have been done in your name by people fanatical to causes. This in turn has sullied your name. While you have done little to repair this breach, and even have a hard time denouncing such people, we have grown intolerant of your grumblings. So, dear Islam, we would like to introduce you Mr. Legto Standon. Someday he may be your friend, but right now you need to shut your fucking mouth and listen to what people are saying.
Deepest Regards,
Chud
Chud
----------
And now for some links.
when doing a sports recap on live tv. it's a good idea to know it's LIVE TV. oh, and you shouldn't drop f bombs.
The top 5 comedians who had it, then lost it, and how they can get it back. even cracked agrees with me.
uhh... do yourself a favor and check out these pictures and read up on this bolivian prison. i've lived in worse apartments.
this is what happens when you try to jump beyond your skill level. sounds like a sucking chest wound to me. silly BMX guys.
apparently, your shoes do fly off when you get hit by a car. the response time is amazing by the fire department though.
ummm... i, uhh... it's porno... with pterodactyls... i'm confused. this is not safe for work. or for boners. but it is great for a laugh. i... have no words.
04 September 2006
Crikey!
Oh steve, you will be missed. you named your daughter after your dog, and loved taunting deadly animals. we watched you get bit, and hurt and all the while you educated us on the environmental impact of non indigenous animals on a closed system. now, i will find people to give me a grant to mount an expedition to kill that stingray... have fun tormenting the gators in the hereafter.
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So, i've been renting a lot of movies lately, and for some reason, i feel that i owe you, my dear readers, a service. a service to save you time and boredom. so, i have some movie reviews for you:
Snakes on a Plane: Go see it. Stop trying to find reviews. you'll love it. don't take it seriously. love it, embrace it. DO IT!
Snakes on a Train: Wow, where to begin... the acting? horrible. the snakes? laughable sense of scale (which i love!). the plot? a girl's family puts an ancient curse on her when she decides to marry the non mayan equivilant of a gentile. this curse, causes her insides to turn into snakes which she vomits out in a blueish oooze. it's kinda ok. not as entertaining as it could have been. however, the totally non sequitur ending was so totally worth it.
BeerFest: GREATEST.MOVIE.EVAR! don't question me. just do it. NOW!
The Matador: Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnan? this movie surpassed my expectations. i kept seeing it on the shelves. i kept passing it by. i finally figured i'd rent it. i mean, i like both the actors. i didn't even read the blurb on the back. i just grabbed and ran. am i ever glad i did. it's a movie about a hitman (brosnan) who befriends Kinnear. the dysfunctional friendship and brosnan's performance as a cad really make this a dark comedy worth watching.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: This was another one i kept seeing on the shelf and finally decided to rent. I LOVED IT. Robert Downy and Val Kilmer really make this movie a fucking hilarious piece of work. this movie is to the mystery drama what scream was to the horror genre. At no point does this movie take itself seriously and actually takes the time to call the audience idiots. in fact, during one "reveal" they even bring back abraham lincoln from the grave (no, it has nothing to do with anything else in the movie). so again, do yourself a favor and watch this movie.
The Sentinel: This decent movie is formulaic at best, and predictable at worst. while the plot has been done, all of it to some extent or another, it is still highly entertaining. if you really need a plot summary basically, think: 24 season 1, coupled with in the line of fire, smacked in the face with US Marshals. it's a decent way to pass the time, plus, sledge hammer plays the president! w00t!
The Constant Gardener: let me transcribe the back of box for you:
Academy award nominee Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz give electrifying performances in this gripping suspense-thriller. A diplomat on the hunt for his wife's murderer uncovers a treacherous conspiracy that will destroy millions of innocent people-unless he can reveal its sinister roots. from the best selling... comes the edge-of-your-seat story of murder, deception and revenge that critics are calling "a hair-raising thriller with an unforgettable finale" (karen durbin, elle).
I want to find that bitch Karen Durbin and give her a "hair raising thriller with an unforgettable ending." this movie... had a runtime of just over two hours. i decided to check on the elapsed time at one point because the story seemed like it had a way to go but it also seemed as though i was nearing the two hour mark. turns out only 40 minutes had elapsed. this movie, moved so painfully slow i thought about shutting it off several times, but i was stuck in the movies pace, so the thought went from my head at 40 minutes in. it took till an hour after that piece of shit ended for me to actually turn it off. every 5 minutes it felt like i was being pitched liberal propaganda, which is fine if it drives the plot. it didn't. the wooden unemotional acting didn't either. if someone wants you to watch this movie, poke them in the eye. then run. they have shitty taste in movies.
H.P. Lovecraft's Beyond the Wall of Sleep: this. piece. of. shit. sullies. the. good. name. of lovecraft. the plot? what? plot? unimportant. instead, let's shoot a bunch of crap, use it as filler, fuck up the audio levels, and use so many edits even the japanese have siezures. seriously, if this movie were edited down to a 20 minute short, it could be good. that's about all the substance it has in it. as it stands this is the biggest steaming pile of shit out there. it is now added to my worst movies ever list:
1. The Underground Comedy Movie
2. The Blair With Project
2. Beyond the Walls of Sleep
4. Romeo Must Die
yeah, that's right, tied for second with blair witch. oh snap!
so, yeah, there you go. fly my children, fly!
--------
So, i've been renting a lot of movies lately, and for some reason, i feel that i owe you, my dear readers, a service. a service to save you time and boredom. so, i have some movie reviews for you:
Snakes on a Plane: Go see it. Stop trying to find reviews. you'll love it. don't take it seriously. love it, embrace it. DO IT!
Snakes on a Train: Wow, where to begin... the acting? horrible. the snakes? laughable sense of scale (which i love!). the plot? a girl's family puts an ancient curse on her when she decides to marry the non mayan equivilant of a gentile. this curse, causes her insides to turn into snakes which she vomits out in a blueish oooze. it's kinda ok. not as entertaining as it could have been. however, the totally non sequitur ending was so totally worth it.
BeerFest: GREATEST.MOVIE.EVAR! don't question me. just do it. NOW!
The Matador: Greg Kinnear and Pierce Brosnan? this movie surpassed my expectations. i kept seeing it on the shelves. i kept passing it by. i finally figured i'd rent it. i mean, i like both the actors. i didn't even read the blurb on the back. i just grabbed and ran. am i ever glad i did. it's a movie about a hitman (brosnan) who befriends Kinnear. the dysfunctional friendship and brosnan's performance as a cad really make this a dark comedy worth watching.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: This was another one i kept seeing on the shelf and finally decided to rent. I LOVED IT. Robert Downy and Val Kilmer really make this movie a fucking hilarious piece of work. this movie is to the mystery drama what scream was to the horror genre. At no point does this movie take itself seriously and actually takes the time to call the audience idiots. in fact, during one "reveal" they even bring back abraham lincoln from the grave (no, it has nothing to do with anything else in the movie). so again, do yourself a favor and watch this movie.
The Sentinel: This decent movie is formulaic at best, and predictable at worst. while the plot has been done, all of it to some extent or another, it is still highly entertaining. if you really need a plot summary basically, think: 24 season 1, coupled with in the line of fire, smacked in the face with US Marshals. it's a decent way to pass the time, plus, sledge hammer plays the president! w00t!
The Constant Gardener: let me transcribe the back of box for you:
Academy award nominee Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz give electrifying performances in this gripping suspense-thriller. A diplomat on the hunt for his wife's murderer uncovers a treacherous conspiracy that will destroy millions of innocent people-unless he can reveal its sinister roots. from the best selling... comes the edge-of-your-seat story of murder, deception and revenge that critics are calling "a hair-raising thriller with an unforgettable finale" (karen durbin, elle).
I want to find that bitch Karen Durbin and give her a "hair raising thriller with an unforgettable ending." this movie... had a runtime of just over two hours. i decided to check on the elapsed time at one point because the story seemed like it had a way to go but it also seemed as though i was nearing the two hour mark. turns out only 40 minutes had elapsed. this movie, moved so painfully slow i thought about shutting it off several times, but i was stuck in the movies pace, so the thought went from my head at 40 minutes in. it took till an hour after that piece of shit ended for me to actually turn it off. every 5 minutes it felt like i was being pitched liberal propaganda, which is fine if it drives the plot. it didn't. the wooden unemotional acting didn't either. if someone wants you to watch this movie, poke them in the eye. then run. they have shitty taste in movies.
H.P. Lovecraft's Beyond the Wall of Sleep: this. piece. of. shit. sullies. the. good. name. of lovecraft. the plot? what? plot? unimportant. instead, let's shoot a bunch of crap, use it as filler, fuck up the audio levels, and use so many edits even the japanese have siezures. seriously, if this movie were edited down to a 20 minute short, it could be good. that's about all the substance it has in it. as it stands this is the biggest steaming pile of shit out there. it is now added to my worst movies ever list:
1. The Underground Comedy Movie
2. The Blair With Project
2. Beyond the Walls of Sleep
4. Romeo Must Die
yeah, that's right, tied for second with blair witch. oh snap!
so, yeah, there you go. fly my children, fly!
27 August 2006
Eddie Murphy: Raw?
So, i just got done watching Raw on comedy central. they aired it uncut and uncensored. why exactly is this considered one of eddie murphy's best works? it's crap. pure unabashed crap. there were a couple cheap laughs, though, not with the material, totally in the delivery. i remember him being funnier. i remember this performance being funnier. now, i cuss like a sailer so language doesn't bother me, but really, this performance seems more an excuse to say fuck as many times as possible than an actual comedy show. i literally turned it off and switched to c-span weekend during the final bit about his dad. not. funny. i saw that it was on, and oh boy was i excited. i know comedy central likes to run shit after 10 uncensored and shit. and i was so happy. i haven't seen raw since it was on HBO back in the day. the worst part is, i like eddie murphy. but this just does not hold up to the test of time. even the audience seemed bored, at times. seriously, i just turned to c-span weekend instead of watching raw. this irks me. part of this comes from the fact i was chilling at Rev's place and he had dvr'd SNL the best of eddie murphy. we had to turn that off towards the end too. i now have a forever skewed version of eddie. from this day forward, "axel f" will not inspire the same memories, it will not bring that warm blanket of comfort that eddie used to bring. like an ebony angel sweeping down and making me laugh, and warming me to my cockles. i guess this is just another example of not revisiting shit from your youth. it only tarnishes a once sterling memory.
goodbye eddie...
goodbye eddie...
24 August 2006
Debates are fun, but not as fun as:
Knowing you stand no chance of winning an argument and then arguing just to see how red faced others will get. i think i actually prefer debating rediculosity over actually being right. anyhow, did you know that moose will eat you out of malice? i've seen it.
I don't really have much to blog about. i had to close out the comments on the last post cuz i had 69 comments. and anyone who knows me knows that there is no way i could let something like that pass me by.
the drunken adventures have been at a minimum lately. mostly due to funding issues, le sigh. oooh oooh, i saw SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE BITCH! today. what. a. perfect. movie. i missed it opening day due to work, i missed it saturday, due to work, i finally got around to it tonight. i was not let down. not in the least. it had all the components of a great B movie: concept, titties, gratuitous violence, and lack of scale. oh, true enjoyment.
anyhhow, here's 1 in a million ball to the face.
I don't really have much to blog about. i had to close out the comments on the last post cuz i had 69 comments. and anyone who knows me knows that there is no way i could let something like that pass me by.
the drunken adventures have been at a minimum lately. mostly due to funding issues, le sigh. oooh oooh, i saw SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE BITCH! today. what. a. perfect. movie. i missed it opening day due to work, i missed it saturday, due to work, i finally got around to it tonight. i was not let down. not in the least. it had all the components of a great B movie: concept, titties, gratuitous violence, and lack of scale. oh, true enjoyment.
anyhhow, here's 1 in a million ball to the face.
13 August 2006
Interesting?
well, considering arthur c. clarke predicted this style of fuel back in the 60's. i've been lauding it for years. but everyone told me i was insane. but i built the castle, and it sunk into the swamp! i mean, shit, with a hand crank and two nails you could crack water. and we all did in elementary school. so, it stands to reason this is viable. plus the welding shit is cool as fuck.
-----
oh, and scooter:
This is how i will end this debate with you.
*********update: i have closed comments, not because i am tired of the argument, or am disheartened by defeat, but because the comment number is 69. and i am childish and laugh at dick and fart jokes. you can carry on this argument in my newest post if you wish**********
10 August 2006
Rev did one, so, now i'm following suit
Well, since Rev did this silly little survey, i figured i'd do one. i'm not hard pressed for content, in fact i have a glut of content running through my head, i am just unable to form rational thought and cohesive sentences. you see, the stewardess union is waiting a court ruling to see if they can strike, and thus send NWA out of business. but, that's a post for another day. at present, i am being compared to adam sandler, roseanne barr and howard stern. personally i don't think stern is funny, but whatever.
wow, 99th percentile bitches! though, i thought the questions were kinda lame. but, whatever.
| the Shock Jock |
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead. Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr  The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
wow, 99th percentile bitches! though, i thought the questions were kinda lame. but, whatever.
01 August 2006
Got a meme in the mail now i'm making it meme madness monday! (yes i know it's tuesday)
Four things about me:
A): Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bouncer
2. Applebees Broil cook
3. Security guard
4. Barn Manager/all around evertyhing guy at an HJ barn in South Lyon MI.
B): Four movies I watch over and over:
1. The Big Lebowski
2. Boondock Saints
3. Billy Madison (or happy gilmore)
4. jaws
C): Four places I have lived:
1. Detroit MI
2. Findlay, OH
3. Ortonville MI
4. Livonia MI
D): Four television shows I watch:
1. Simpsons
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Entourage
4. Boston Legal
E): Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Oz
2. New Zealand
3. Grand Cayman
4. Jamaica (heh, notice how i didn't put anything domestic in there. aren't i cool. i mean, look at me. i've been places. god i'm a jackass)
F): Four web sites I visit daily:
1. Fark
2. wikipedia
3. imdb
4. my yahoo
G). Four of my favorites foods:
1. Tortellini in cream sauce or pesto
2. Blackened Sirloin with crumbled bleu cheese
3. BLT Pizza
4. beer brats
H): Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On a boat somewhere in the pacific or atlantic.
2. On a golf course
3. out of debt
4. anywhere that the heat index isn't 104 degrees at noon.
I): Four people I tag:
1. if you want to do it, do it.
2. i'm not going to tag anyone.
3. and if you don't have a blog you can
4. simply do it in my comments.
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Hehehehe, gary coleman is a wrestler now?
Wait... Windows Vista has bugs?? a whaa?
with a video title of "merry-go-pwn3d" how can you go wrong?
Some horrible prom outfits, and a poop costume. can you figure out which is which?
Reading this article angers me. the ignorance of the councilman, and the sheer attempt at overlegislation... grrr
The 50 greatest movie endings of all time? i tend to agree with a bunch of them. but, meh.
A): Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Bouncer
2. Applebees Broil cook
3. Security guard
4. Barn Manager/all around evertyhing guy at an HJ barn in South Lyon MI.
B): Four movies I watch over and over:
1. The Big Lebowski
2. Boondock Saints
3. Billy Madison (or happy gilmore)
4. jaws
C): Four places I have lived:
1. Detroit MI
2. Findlay, OH
3. Ortonville MI
4. Livonia MI
D): Four television shows I watch:
1. Simpsons
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Entourage
4. Boston Legal
E): Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Oz
2. New Zealand
3. Grand Cayman
4. Jamaica (heh, notice how i didn't put anything domestic in there. aren't i cool. i mean, look at me. i've been places. god i'm a jackass)
F): Four web sites I visit daily:
1. Fark
2. wikipedia
3. imdb
4. my yahoo
G). Four of my favorites foods:
1. Tortellini in cream sauce or pesto
2. Blackened Sirloin with crumbled bleu cheese
3. BLT Pizza
4. beer brats
H): Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On a boat somewhere in the pacific or atlantic.
2. On a golf course
3. out of debt
4. anywhere that the heat index isn't 104 degrees at noon.
I): Four people I tag:
1. if you want to do it, do it.
2. i'm not going to tag anyone.
3. and if you don't have a blog you can
4. simply do it in my comments.
-----
Hehehehe, gary coleman is a wrestler now?
Wait... Windows Vista has bugs?? a whaa?
with a video title of "merry-go-pwn3d" how can you go wrong?
Some horrible prom outfits, and a poop costume. can you figure out which is which?
Reading this article angers me. the ignorance of the councilman, and the sheer attempt at overlegislation... grrr
The 50 greatest movie endings of all time? i tend to agree with a bunch of them. but, meh.
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