If I were Dave Chappelle

After watching the first two “lost episodes” of Chappelle’s show, I’d have left too. I mean let’s face it, he had some really damn funny bits in the first two seasons. He had some stinkers too. I never really liked the Lil’ John skits, the Ashy Larry, or the Crackhead bit. But never would you find an entire show of shitty skits. These “lost episodes” are shittastic, nothing redeeming about them whatsoever. Charlie Murphy and that other fucktard are the absolute worst hosts you could ask for. The skits are hackneyed and tired at best. I didn’t laugh a single time during the two episodes, which not laughing at that show actually made me want to cry. So it’s good to see that Dave (yeah, he and I are on a first name basis) had enough integrity to walk away, knowing full well the consequences of an entire shitty season that you had zero creative control over yet had your name all over it, were far worse than the bad press he received while on hiatus. Still though, the money was nice.

On an unrelated note… when drinking and watching “The decline of western civilization II: the metal years” it’s ok to call Lemmy Kilmeister of Motorhead fame “Lenny”. You will be ridiculed for it at first, but you can blame it on the booze. Besides, not two minutes later the guy lambasting you will say something far more insane. For example, let’s pretend Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith fame were on screen. Now, let’s pretend that said friend says something to the effect of “blah blah Steve Perry and Joe Tyler!”. The fallout from that comment would be worth blogging about especially when he just got done making fun of you for a simple “m to n” conversion. Plus the random outbursts of Journey songs that come after that comment would just be comedy gold. If, that is, any of this actually happened, and weren’t some elaborate hyperbole. Anyhow, that’s all I got.

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and now a bevy of links for your viewing enjoyment.

I seriously love backflippers. or, rather, failures at backflipping.

oooh, motorcycly trickeration. dude, you can easily go double that speed. "left leg, ouch?" don't blame me, you shouldn't have listened when i said you could go double that speed.

when following a motorcycle race with a camera on your bike, you should prolly try not to aim for the guy who just wrecked.

yeah, we've all been this drunk at times. but when we holy shit did he just get hit by a car?

hoy shit, this is singularly the worst nutshot i've ever... ouch.

i hesitated to post this since i wanted to try this trick shot on a couple people who read my blog. now, instead, i have accomplices.

uhhh... woops?

uhhh... wow. scroll down so you can read the subtitles. just... wow.

i'm an anarchist? O RLY?

so i took this test, which i thought to be quite... meh. i hate quizzes about politics that don't have a "neither agree nor disagree". ahh well, i'm all for governing oneself and all that good shit. w00t!

You are a Social Liberal (85% permissive) and an... Economic Conservative (91% permissive) You are best described as a: Anarchist You exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness. loc: (130, 155) modscore: (55, 51) raw: (5449) Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

I'm down with O.P.P.

Wow, ok, so it’s been a while. So I will start out with simply this: I LOVE POUTINE. What? Yeah I said it. French fries, cheese curds and gravy. So damn delicious. Anyhow I had a ton of fun in Canadialand. I mean really, how can you not what with the drinking and golfing and golfing and drinking. I will however say FUCK CANADA. I had to pay duty on 3 cases of beer, yippie shit right? Throw em a fin and be done with it right? FUCKING WRONG BITCHES! After a 5% duty, 7%GST and 38% MOTHERFUCKING PROVINCIAL MARK-UP I am now paying 50% in taxes which just took my $45 purchase and turned it into an almost $70 purchase. Everything is so much more expensive over there, and that’s without the 15% sales taxes you pay on everything. But, I guess that’s the price you pay for shitty socialized health care. I would absolutely love to see the percentages of provincial mark up on all goods, cuz I’m pretty sure it would be fucking scary. You pay around 30% in income tax right out of your check, then 15% on everything you buy, plus the province skims their own vig on the provincial mark up… fuck that. This is why Americans who want social health care are retarded. Talk to Canadians, most of them hold private insurance, otherwise they’d die in line waiting for any kind of operations. Anyhow, I’m done with that. Moving on.

On the drive back there was an accident, and an odd looking one at that. Someone flew off the road at a high enough rate of speed to smack into a telephone pole about 5 or 6 feet up the pole and around 15-20 feet off the road. That’s hard core. However, you know bad shit happened when one ambulance leaves with siren blaring and not 2 minutes later another one leaves, driving slow, and without lights or siren. Guess there’s no rush when you’re just delivering a corpse.

A couple nights ago Rev and I were out doing our thing (read: getting shit faced) and boy did we do it right. We burned through a half gallon of cheap whiskey then decided to hit the bar. I know for certain I was telling the waitress I wanted to do shots off her ass, which, apparently I thought was a spectacular ass. Then I proceeded to have a full conversation with the 50 year old bartender lady about women’s breasts. A bunch of whiskey and jager bombs later we headed to a diner, I have no clue what I ate, but I know for certain I was hitting on the waitress like mad. She also had a stellar ass and for some reason when I’m drunk I feel that the more I tell a woman how great her ass is, the more smooth I am being. I was told she’s a lesbian, but I refuse to believe it. I want my illusions.