24 December 2007


ever have one of those weeks where everytime you think you have some alone time to jerk off you are suddenly interrupted by seemingly important yet unimportant phone calls, people coming through the door, being at work, or dawson's creek? yeah, it's been one of those weeks.

anyhow, that's all i got. the power is back on after a 17 hour shortage, most of the bars in the area were closed tonight so it was a big cluster fuck at the one bar that was open. holy shit, it looked like prime dining time on a friday in that bitch, on a sunday, at 1230am...

for those of you i like, click this link:

great little christmas ditty a capella even.

for those of you i am morally ambivalent to click this link:

ahh science. the true path to... wtf? oh right. zoltan!

if you don't know where you stand with me, then this link is for you:

this might be NSFW. and by might, i mean is.

and for those looking for some holiday cheer:

merry christmas

come to think of it, if you think i like you, only click on the top link. the second pisses me off the more i watch it. Merry Christmas everyone.

19 December 2007

This is why i drink

This is a completely sober conversation I had over IM tonight. I had stepped outside for a smoke, and came up with this idea. Please, enjoy my... insanity?

[00:57] Me: here's an odd question, is liquid hydrogen flamable?
[00:58] Scooter: Uh... I think it needs to be aerosolized to ignite, so no. Diesel fuel can't really catch fire that well...
[00:58] Me: dammit
[00:59] Scooter: Liquid hydrogen is the best way to TRANSPORT it, and I am sure you could make a liquid hydrogen BOMB, but I don't think you could have a pool of flaming liquid hydrogen.
[00:59] Me: how would one go about liquifying hydrogen?
[01:00] Scooter: I believe hydrogen needs to be very cold for it to condense, like oxygen or nitrogen. I might be wrong. But I think it involves cooling it and compressing it.
[01:01] Me: hrmm.
[01:02] Me: man, i wish you could be more definative on the liquid hydrogen being flammable or not.
[01:05] Scooter: I mean, it IS rocket fuel. It needs to be mixed with oxygen to burn. A pool of liquid hydrogen would warm up after a while, and assuming there was the correct air/fuel mixture, BANG.
[01:06] Me: i was just outside thinking how cool it would be to have a flamethrower to melt the snow instead of shovel. then i thought, fuck that, gas is too expensive. BUT THEN i thought, hey, it's snow. which is basically water. if i had a collection bin outside to collect the snow when it fell, then melt into water, then seperate it into water and hydrogen i could make flames with that, but in order to get it to really do the job, the hydrogen would need to be liquid so i could spread it, and it would stick and burn through the snow. then i would have an environmentally friendly snow removing flamethrower. ahh using the snow against itself.
[01:07] Scooter: ... the amount of electricity needed to start that process would power like, several city blocks for hours.
[01:08] Scooter: The gasoline is much cheaper, and considering how much coal would be burned to make the electricity, cleaner.
[01:09] Me: well, the heating process could be attained by using geothermal heating. so, that's not too bad. bury some pipes in the ground, pump water through, and up to the and around and back down would be my melting process.
[01:10] Me: so, the cost of an electric pump would be that big cost.
[01:11] Me: even if i just collected rain water throughout the year, save on the melting process.
[01:11] Me: it could be a gradual process all year. collect, seperate, store.
[01:12] Me: then, as the weather turns cold i could pack the tank in dry ice, and work on condensing and cooling it.
[01:12] Scooter: Uh... you would have to store it as compressed hydrogen, not liquid hydrogen. Liquid hydrogen boils off at about 1% of volume a day.
[01:13] Me: well, yeah, i'd store as a gass and compress only when needed.
[01:14] Me: of course, i could just use my geothermal idea and pull off the driveway, lay pipes at the surface, and lay the concrete over it, you know, to have a heated driveway.
[01:15] Scooter: That actually is a feature of some houses. Not nearly as cool as a hydrogen flame thrower, though.
[01:15] Me: I KNOW! seriously.
[01:15] Me: how awesome of a selling point would that be?
[01:16] Me: [homebuyer]uhh, ma'am what are those tanks behind the garage?
[realtor]well, the previous owner hated shoveling snow, so he created a year round water collection system that condenses hyrdrogen and oxygen and cools the hydrogen into a liquid in those tanks.
[homebuyer]uhh, what does that have to do with shoveling?
[realtor]well, when you hook the hoses and the gun up to this outlet here and click the little grill igniter here, you have a liquid hydrogen flamethrower.
[homebuyer] SOLD!
[homebuyers wife] uhh... but honey don't you think the kids...
[homebuyer aka man of the house] shut up woman, we're buying the house with the bult in flamethrower and that's final!
[01:20] Scooter: Yeah... I would probably invest in an iron fence, though... nothing ruins a snow removal session like your neighbor's house catching fire.
[01:20] Scooter: I think it actually could work.
[01:22] Me: well, i figure the hydrogen will burn up quickly, and at my house there's no real threat of burning anything else. you'd have to be one malicious motherfucker to burn down another house from my driveway. now, my own house... that would suck.
[01:22] Me: this is why smoking is good for you. you step outside, and reflect on shit, and come up with cooky ass ideas like this.
[01:23] Scooter: If I took up smoking, I would probably start a religion. I come up with enough crazy ideas already.
[01:23] Me: lol
[01:24] Scooter: Yeah, so... is it me, or do all seventeen of the assholes running for President suck like a Hoover?
[01:25] Me: i can't wait till i'm eligible to run.
[01:26] Me: or, maybe not a hoover, but a filmore?
[01:26] Me: rimshot
[01:27] Scooter: Ba dum, ching. I would vote for you, man. I am so sick of it all, you would at least be fun.
[01:27] Me: hahahahahahaha. yeah, no shit. "mr, dorton is it true..."
[01:28] Me: lemme cut you off there "ms. so and so", yes. it's probably true.
[01:28] Me: most of what you have heard about my past is most likely true, or has an element of truth to it.
[01:29] Me: now, can we proceed to the discovery process? and by that i mean, i need to discover if there are any hot ladies out there that are into fat guys. i'm talkin oval office sex ladies!
[01:31] Scooter: Wow. I think I should be the Vice President, though. You could visit Japan, like, monthly, Rev could be our first Secretary of state in clown makeup....
[01:32] Me: hahahahahahahahaha
[01:32] Scooter: I mean, what says "best presidency ever" like debauchery on the streets of Tokyo?
[01:33] Me: what a ticket that would be: staunch pro business conservative slash social liberal for president, and staunch anti business pro blah blah hippies blah for vice president.
[01:33] Me: oh, and the latter is the religious one.
[01:34] Scooter: Uh... I am not so much anti business as I am against immortal corporations.... Not so much in to the hippie dippie stuff either. I'd be spending most of my time explaining exactly what I am...
[01:35] Me: lol. true.
[01:35] Me: which would take a lot of the focus off my philandering.
[01:37] Scooter: Right, I could spend all my time boring the reporters to tears about the need to finance XYZ project with funds obtained in the flagenslouten act of 2023, while you are drilling Monica Lewinsky's successor into the carpet...
[01:38] Scooter: "Don't mind the moans, we have mice".
[01:39] Me: i bet we'd be the only single duo to ever run the white house and oeob.
[01:41] Scooter: Indeed. Ok, I need to be off to bed... you should try to design that rig of yours, eh? Patent that sucker.
[01:42] Me: no shit.
[01:43] Me: i bet getting UL approval would suck.
[01:44] Scooter: Indeed... flaming things generally are frowned upon at the UL...

yeah, so, a 47 minute long conversation about flamethrowers and running the country like a bachelor pad. now that the writers are on strike and all, hollywood just needs to sequester scooter and I. give me cigarettes and withhold the booze, and give scooter... no sleep, and we'll churn out ideas like it's our job. cuz it will be. of course once the writers strike ends, the ensuing drinking bender i would gon on would be one of legend. annals of history kind of epic. make "leaving las vegas" look like "the parent trap" kind of debauchery. where do i sign?

05 December 2007

boys and guns

Ok, so to recap, I liked a movie, I disliked a movie, then… I went impromptu hunting. We had discussed the possibility of heading il norte, but nothing was concrete. So, at about 1030pm (2230 to my non 12 hour time friends) I headed to the ol’ watering hole where we hashed out the particulars about the coming days and decided to head to the north woods to be glorious hunter/gatherers. We did not kill any woodland dwelling animals, however, were we to classify our brain cells as woodland indigenous, we may have hit paydirt (with kdirt). So more or less, I was reassured why I I don’t have a girlfriend (apparently, they are a fun governor (not like an elected official, but more like a throttle governor)) so I spent the whole time fielding other peoples women folk calls since I had the only dependable phone in camp. Fuck, that. If I ever go again, I am getting certain numbers blocked from my shit. Seriously, fun governors doesn’t even begin to describe this shit. Anyhow, we saw no deer, we got drunk a lot, and we made poor decisions. Here are three very poor decisions. some set up: three of us, 180 acres, some mini propane tanks, a fire, and a rifle:

me, half full propane tank, 30-06. yeah, big boom.

yeah, it came out upside down, not sure why. half full tank, marlin 30-30.

the first one we did with a real rifle. 30-30 at about 30 yards. yeah, we're not smart.

oh yeah, if i waste one more night hitting on a lesbian i am gonna kill somebody. seriously, a whole night wasted at the bar over a woman who would rather munch some carpet, than have me munch hers. seriously, with all the lezzy pron i watch, you'd think i'd be able to key in on this shit. fuckin lezdar is out of whack.