22 June 2006

Fred Phelps

I love the Westboro Baptist Church. Yes, I said love. Now let me explain. I hate their message. I find it repugnant to say that you are happy soldiers are dead. In fact one of their messages is "thank god for dead soldiers" and "thank god for 9/11". I've read most of God Hates Fags and God Hates America which, if you can get over how shitty the design and the message, are actually quite inadvertently funny in their hate and misinformation. This is where my love for them comes in. They are 100% pure entertainment. While I think it's shitty they protest Soldier's funerals, the manner in which they do it, and the cocksureness they have in their whackalooniness is so heartwarmingly enjoyable as to piss a brother off, and yet, provide a solid bit of entertainment.

One of the radio stations in the area likes to interview Fred Phelps when he comes to town and that man is pure bile and entertainment. I have never seen nor heard an interview with any of these batshit crazies that didn't break down to the interviewer just going all crusader on the person and the nutjob throwing out some half assed insult and then continuing on with their clearly brainwashed rhetoric. The really funny part is when the interviewers get flabbergasted at the nutsycookoos sheer dismissal of logic/reason/biblical contradictions. It is this brazen display of "pick and choose" rule following and dismissal of the interviewers and their beliefs that truly provide me my entertainment. It’s kinda like watching the Manson girl’s parole hearings.

Now, while they do provide me with a modicum of entertainment would I be sad if they all died a horrible fiery death? Nope. Would I thank god? Nah, freedom of speech is after all, freedom for all. Would I find extremely hilarious if during them chanting "thank god for IEDs" they were suddenly all mortally wounded/maimed/disfigured or otherwise hurt by a roadside bomb? You know I would. in fact, were I consuming any beverage at the time I either saw or heard that announcement, it would be coming out my nose I’d be laughing so hard. Am I a sick man? Yes, yes I am.

Side note: the WBC (westboro baptist church) has less than 100 members, 80% of which are family... how shitty must family gatherings be? "Daddy, can I have a big wheel?" "No son, big wheels are for fags. You don't want to go to hell do you?”

To all the soldiers and their families, I wish you all the best, and a heartfelt thank you.

Whackaloon on Hannity and Colmes.

Same nutjob on a different fox show.

16 June 2006


Freudian Inventory Results
Oral (53%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal (26%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and possibly have a compulsive need to defy authority. If you are too scatterbrained, you will not develop much as a person as you will habitually switch paths before you ever learn anything.
Phallic (83%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity.
Latency (43%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital (63%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.
Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

yeah yeah, i took one of these damn things. pretty damn accurate too for a shitty personality test dilly. i've been having trouble coming up with something to post about, but soon children... soon.

05 June 2006

Tell me why! I don't like Mondays...

Once upon a time, on a Monday not unlike today (it was today) there a couple of friends driving in a van from point a to point b. it was a peaceful noonish hour. Neither friend saying much as both had just awakened from their respective slumbers. The occasional, "tell my why!?" could be heard, with a half hearted response of, "I don't like mondaaaaaays" and possibly an, "I want to shoo ooo ooo ooot, the whole day down." all of this lethargy was punctuated by neither friend actually breaking into full on song mode (as is a common occurrence). So, whilst stopped at light in transit the driver looks at the passenger, not in a gay way, but in an "I’m trying to be subtle" way, while rolling up his window. This of course strikes the passenger as odd as without the breeze the 79 degree weather doesn't seem so "comfortable" anymore. The passenger makes note to the driver of these conditions and says unto the driver, "heh. Uhh?" to which the driver responds, "I have my reasons."

at this point, the passenger's eyes bulge out of his head, he is craning his neck about, then in an excited tone asks, "are there picketers up ahead??!?!?!?!" you see, the passenger loves picketers. Well, hates, them, but loves to lob objects and obscenities at them. But the passenger can't see the picketers as there are many semi trucks in the way blocking his view. Then, it happened. The light turned green, the trucks no longer an issue, and there laid out before him on the drivers side of the road were picketers. Lots of them. So passenger decided to crawl his fat ass halfway out the wide open passenger window so he could both look at and yell to the picketers. The first group of picketers were struck in awe as they heard the words "GO BACK TO WORK IMMIGRANTS! THIS IS NO WAY TO GET CITIZENSHIP! GO BACK TO WORK!" the passenger thought he had hit the bulk of them, and saw some stragglers and decided hurl a couple "motherfuckers" at them. THEN HE SAW THE MOTHERLODE! Holy shit there must have been around 100 lazy union bastards sitting around eating in one giant. They couldn't even picket without a proper lunch hour. "Sorry tom, union rules, I don't have to carry this sign for the next 49 minutes and if you try to make me, I’m gonna call my rep." so the bulk of the picketers also get the "go back to work immigrants!!" treatment. As the friends get caught at the next light, driver checks his mirrors and says (in a laughing tone),"dude, every single person is staring at us." passenger cannot help but laugh and speculate as to their utter confusion as to what just transpired. a fat man, leaning out of a minivan window telling them to get back to work and calling them immigrants. On their lunch break no less.

I err... passenger nor driver knew what they were striking over. but ever since "the day without a Mexican" when passenger saw parents (non immigrants) picketing the local school board for a recall and decided to call them immigrants and to go back to work, it has become his standard. However, I would never drive past an immigrant protest and call them union workers. That’d just be mean. And I’m not THAT insensitive. So, driver and passenger talked about making shirts and signs with new slogans. Slogans they could really stand behind, and go join the picketers. Slogans like, "UNIONS ARE KILLING AMERICA'S ECONOMY! HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?" and "UNIONS ARE FOR LAZY SELF IMPORTANT ASSHOLES!" and my favorite, "IMMIGRANTS WILL DO YOUR JOB FOR 1/3 THE PAY, KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT AND ACTUALLY WORK!" and with the prevalence of the UAW (united auto workers (u aint workin')) we'll never be out of picket lines to hit. Now, if we could get corporate sponsors we could make a living at this shit. Anyhow, time for my lunch break. I cannot be bothered.

This dude made a transformers costume. THAT TRANSFORMS!

Breast implants save lives. as this TLC clip will prove. (totally safe for work)

hehehehe, ALMOST as good as the faceplant guy. but, it is a fun "so you think you can dance" clip.

well, since i never posted it, the faceplant guy from "SYTYCD"

new tourettes guy video. NSFW (adult language)