05 June 2006

Tell me why! I don't like Mondays...

Once upon a time, on a Monday not unlike today (it was today) there a couple of friends driving in a van from point a to point b. it was a peaceful noonish hour. Neither friend saying much as both had just awakened from their respective slumbers. The occasional, "tell my why!?" could be heard, with a half hearted response of, "I don't like mondaaaaaays" and possibly an, "I want to shoo ooo ooo ooot, the whole day down." all of this lethargy was punctuated by neither friend actually breaking into full on song mode (as is a common occurrence). So, whilst stopped at light in transit the driver looks at the passenger, not in a gay way, but in an "I’m trying to be subtle" way, while rolling up his window. This of course strikes the passenger as odd as without the breeze the 79 degree weather doesn't seem so "comfortable" anymore. The passenger makes note to the driver of these conditions and says unto the driver, "heh. Uhh?" to which the driver responds, "I have my reasons."

at this point, the passenger's eyes bulge out of his head, he is craning his neck about, then in an excited tone asks, "are there picketers up ahead??!?!?!?!" you see, the passenger loves picketers. Well, hates, them, but loves to lob objects and obscenities at them. But the passenger can't see the picketers as there are many semi trucks in the way blocking his view. Then, it happened. The light turned green, the trucks no longer an issue, and there laid out before him on the drivers side of the road were picketers. Lots of them. So passenger decided to crawl his fat ass halfway out the wide open passenger window so he could both look at and yell to the picketers. The first group of picketers were struck in awe as they heard the words "GO BACK TO WORK IMMIGRANTS! THIS IS NO WAY TO GET CITIZENSHIP! GO BACK TO WORK!" the passenger thought he had hit the bulk of them, and saw some stragglers and decided hurl a couple "motherfuckers" at them. THEN HE SAW THE MOTHERLODE! Holy shit there must have been around 100 lazy union bastards sitting around eating in one giant. They couldn't even picket without a proper lunch hour. "Sorry tom, union rules, I don't have to carry this sign for the next 49 minutes and if you try to make me, I’m gonna call my rep." so the bulk of the picketers also get the "go back to work immigrants!!" treatment. As the friends get caught at the next light, driver checks his mirrors and says (in a laughing tone),"dude, every single person is staring at us." passenger cannot help but laugh and speculate as to their utter confusion as to what just transpired. a fat man, leaning out of a minivan window telling them to get back to work and calling them immigrants. On their lunch break no less.

I err... passenger nor driver knew what they were striking over. but ever since "the day without a Mexican" when passenger saw parents (non immigrants) picketing the local school board for a recall and decided to call them immigrants and to go back to work, it has become his standard. However, I would never drive past an immigrant protest and call them union workers. That’d just be mean. And I’m not THAT insensitive. So, driver and passenger talked about making shirts and signs with new slogans. Slogans they could really stand behind, and go join the picketers. Slogans like, "UNIONS ARE KILLING AMERICA'S ECONOMY! HOW CAN YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?" and "UNIONS ARE FOR LAZY SELF IMPORTANT ASSHOLES!" and my favorite, "IMMIGRANTS WILL DO YOUR JOB FOR 1/3 THE PAY, KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT AND ACTUALLY WORK!" and with the prevalence of the UAW (united auto workers (u aint workin')) we'll never be out of picket lines to hit. Now, if we could get corporate sponsors we could make a living at this shit. Anyhow, time for my lunch break. I cannot be bothered.


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This dude made a transformers costume. THAT TRANSFORMS!

Breast implants save lives. as this TLC clip will prove. (totally safe for work)

hehehehe, ALMOST as good as the faceplant guy. but, it is a fun "so you think you can dance" clip.

well, since i never posted it, the faceplant guy from "SYTYCD"

new tourettes guy video. NSFW (adult language)

25 comments:

joe said...

You're lucky. He'd just stop wherever we were when I would yell.

Scooter said...

The Boomtown Rats. Bob Geldof might be a smug bastard, but "I don't like mondays" is a damn classic.

Brenda Ann Spencer is a sad, sad, shell of a human being.

Rev said...

Yes, I forgot when the driver stopped after Joe was yelling shit out the window.

That was damned funny.

I still want to have my anti-protest protest, and my anti-monster rally (complete with villagers, dogs, and torches) at the U of M diag, to see how many dumb bastards we can get to show up.

And yes, Bob Geldof needs to get his ass kicked, but "I Don't Like Mondays" is a great fucking song.

LiSh said...

I'll go to an anti-protest protest so long as there is mucho alcohol and eye candy (male, female, feed me enough alcohol and I'll get less fussy) so long as we can sit around and be obnoxious

Coyote Mike said...

That's it, from now on I'm arming my protesters with cannons that shoot incontinent cats into heckler's cars.

Steph said...

If you pulled that shit in Australia, you would have been hauled from your car and beaten to death!

Drunken Chud said...

hehehehe, yeah joe he was telling me that story.

indeed scoots. indeed.

heh, the anti monster rally. that fuckin' ann arbor would be all over that.

lish, i will gladly give you booze and women. and yeah, obnoxiousness flows freely when you have the simple equation of chud+booze.

they weren't protesters mike... they were strikers. which is worse. damn hivemind.

steph, these are union workers, which means they're too lazy to come and beat me. they'd start and a couple people would say it's time for a smoke break and they'd all sit around for 45 minutes talking about how making $25/hr to push a button is just not enough for their white trash family of 7.

Rolligun said...

You should bring that guy down to Kansas and introduce him to the fanatical assbags that protest at the funerals of dead soldiers.

Scooter said...

Oh, my god, the Westboro assholes. I'd pee all over them.

Drunken Chud said...

they were just up here rolli. protesting two local fallen. they were not well received. damn westboro baptist church. he likes to come here cuz of flaming ferndale. but, fuck him and his closet gay tendencies.

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Scooter said...

My features form with a change in the weather
Weekend
We can work it out
My features form with a change in the weather
Weekend
We can work it out
When the wind blows
When the mothers talk
When the wind blows
When the wind blows
When the mothers talk
When the wind blows
We can work it out
It's not that you're not good enough
It's just that we can make you better
Given that you pay the price
We can keep you young and tender
Following in the footsteps of a funeral pyre
You were paid not listen now your house is on fire
Wake me up when things get started
When everything starts to happen
My features form with a change in the weather
Some of us horrified
Others never talk about it
But when the weather starts to burn
Then you'll know that you're in trouble
Following in the footsteps of a soldier girl
It is time to put your clothes on and to face the world
Don't you feel your luck is changing
When everything starts to happen
Put your head right next to my heart
The beat of the drum is the fear of the dark
My features form with a change in the weather

Drunken Chud said...

scooter, it's been 4 days. i am not a dancing monkey.

Scooter said...

Yeah, you're more like a cuddly, anti-unionist, INTERNET SENSATION!

Drunken Chud said...

are you saying to want to cuddle me? cuz... i mean, while you are waifish with fine features... you're slightly too hirsute for my tastes. but... elizabeth on the other hand.

now that was just uncalled for. you didn't deserve that. heh.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

"Sounds like you had a case of the Mondays."

;P

Coyote Mike said...

While I agree that there are problems in the current labor union setups, they were created out of a need of the times. Without them, people would still be working for 16 hour days, with little pay, and sometimes no pay because all their wages went to pay off the debt they owed to the company stores.

But things are not now as they once were.

Anonymous said...

My sister likes to randomly heckle people on the street, in particular, bicyclists.
"Push harder, your mother had to" is a favourite.

Rev said...

Nobody's denying that unions were once a good thing.

That time has LONG since passed, though.

Scooter said...

No, silly, his vacuum sealing method with glass led to the the development of tin cans.

See; his work enhanced the use of metal, thus, he was a metal worker.

Scooter said...

Bootsy}:
Hello beach, I suppose you know this is those crazios calling,
uh, long distance baby.
I'd just like to be your bridge over troubled waters mama
Dig...while I smoke on it.

Come Saturday night
When all the world is counting sheep I'll count the moments
'Till I have to leave your side
Come Saturday night
When all but the moon is fast asleep I'll watch the sun rise
And leap into your eyes

She's a lot of fun. She likes to come on much too strong
She's a lot of fun. Think that she's the only freak been born
As a matter of fact, she's not the only sand at the beach
Or to be exact, there's a whole lot of beaches

{Bootsy}:
Mama, be my beach
Ahhh...I'd just like to say, baby
Oh, I just feel so good just being able to talk to you for a while, uh
Maybe you remember the last time we was together
And how you rubbed me on my head, uh
Oh baby it felt so good...you make me wanna say oh baby!

Come 4th of July
When all the vultures wait in line I'll wait in limbo
To lay upon your bod
Come 4th of July
When all the vultures wait in line to cop their suntans
And lay upon your bod

She's a lot of fun. She likes to come on much too strong
She's a lot of fun. Think that she's the only freak been born
As a matter of fact, she's not the only sand at the beach
Or to be exact, there's a whole lot of beaches

{Bootsy}:
Mama be my beach, beach
Uh...what's in the sand, uh beach?
Uh, maybe seashells of a clover...or something
And maybe a few octo-pupupupupupusses-uh
Oh I'm walking over your board

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