23 October 2005

brick or breat.

la face with an oakland booty. wow, what it would sound like if the mama's and the papa's sang baby got back. and if the papa's got rid of the mama's. and if the papa's changed their name to johnny c.

ok, this is just wierd. i count 4 different pics... other than the distance from the camera... that's just freaky.

so, the stolen WiFi at the grandparents hath gone the way of the dodo(kinda funny since girls with drinks covered this same thing not two weeks ago). not sure where it went, people must have moved furniture for the winter or some shit. cuz i can detect the networks, i just get no signal. assholes. so, i managed to make it to the parents house and now i feel like a bulemic on a binge. teh intarnets are teh d3vil!!!!1!!!one!! anyhow, time to drink and watch more movies, alone.

19 October 2005


ok, this video is the single greatest montage/collage/whatever the hell. many of the webs greatest hits. i had never seen the first clip, had to rewind to figure out what the fuck was going on. and i had never seen the car/carjumper towards the end.

18 October 2005

A couple links

watch it. just, watch it. if you are unsure of what's going on, then you are either 12 years old, a heathen that jesus and America hate or a girl with better things to do in the 80's.

uggh... worst kung fu porn ever... EVER!

17 October 2005

fun with the law

Ok, since my buddy rev had a run in with the law last night, and asked me to post our encounter with the same law from 3 years ago, I decided to give it a go. Since it's too long to post in the comments I figured I’d dedicate a post to it. to read what he went through the other night you can read it here.

****All of what you are about to read actually happened. All the comments are real, I couldn't make this shit up if I wanted to. In fact, there is a gross of comments that were made that have been left out due to my lack of complete recollection. Rev, Drunk, if i missed a gem, please let me know. Also, this whole ordeal lasted somewhere around an hour and a half to two hours.****

Ok, so, it was I believe an October eve when we got a wild hair up our asses about visiting some "haunted" sites. You know, see what fun we can have without booze. Turns out, plenty. So in the greater Detroit area there used to be a huge mental facility known simply as Eloise. Now, the residents of this place were generally wards of the state and thusly interred at a nearby cemetery, this was our destination. We had a vague idea where it may or may not be located, but no real concrete idea. This was to be the highlight of the eve.

We turned down the street we thought it was on (Henry Ruff?). Almost immediate upon turning onto this street we realized we were in an urban war zone. aka an Inkster project. Rev says unto us, "uh... I think we need to turn around dude, this looks like the projects." to which drunk and myself both said, "uhh.. Yeah, god speed". So the first street we make a u-turn as the streets are too narrow to pull a u-ey on (great war zone tactic, makes for great bottlenecking ala Spartan strategy). Shortly after turning around and heading back to Michigan Ave. a car pulls up behind us. A cop car. And proceeds to pull us over.

We're all looking at each other trying to figure out why we're being pulled over. Three fat white guys, in the ghetto, in a beat to shit (on some parts of the body, literally beat by rev himself) escort station wagon. Well, apparently that's why got pulled over. Cop walks up to my window (front passenger) and starts asking stupid questions, about drugs, and we're all confused and just simply saying, "What? What are talking about?". So he asks, "Why we turned around when we saw him?" which our reply was, "where were you? We didn't see shit." so then the cop asks if we were coming from picking up or dropping off drugs. At this point I had no control over my speech and just blurted out "both". Then he asks to search the vehicle.

This causes a chuckle from the three of us as we know a search of vehicle #1 yield nothing, #2 cause the officer a great deal of pain and #3 possibly result in a HazMat team being called. For reference, you need to understand Rev's vehicle. Picture, if you will, a 199ish ford escort wagon. In the front seat, instead of a floorboard, you have garbage. Instead of a seat, you have garbage. When you want to sit down you move the garbage to back seat. Though, instead of a backseat, there's garbage, so it ends up on the floorboard, though instead of a floorboard it's garbage. If you want to sit in the back seat, you have to move the garbage to the way back. Though, instead of a way back, there's garbage. So, you throw your (his) garbage, on garbage, then you throw the garbage garbage on garbage. Yeah, you read all that right. And by garbage I mean garbage. Papers, old mcdonalds/burgerking/tacobell/wendys/whateverthefuck bags and wrappers and pop bottles and cans and empty product packaging. General chaos and shit.

We all exit. One at a time and for some reason I was the last. I was drinking a 2 liter of faygo rock and rye at the time, and the cop took it, smelled it, and wouldn't give it back. Asshole. Then they frisked me. Now keep in mind it's late Oct. and Detroit... so it was around 20 degrees. I get out, and immediately put my hands in my pockets out of habit, which elicited a response from both cops to "show us your hands!". Upon frisking me and finding only Tums, cigarettes, a lighter, and some condoms (which caused Rev and Drunk to shout, "what the fuck do you need those for!?").

We're all sitting on the curb as the cop gets ready to toss the car. A Wayne county sheriff’s deputy is standing watch over us as an Inkster cop is getting ready to have some fun. Upon opening the door we hear the gasp of "oh dear god!". This of course causes us to laugh our asses off. We knew what he was getting himself into. He would find no drugs, no guns no booze, no nothing. He then finds Rev’s harmonica. He stands up, holds it up and says, "Ok, who plays the harmonica?" drunk and I both point to rev. I blurt out, "Yeah, the banjo and the canoes fell off a few miles back." the sheriff laughed at this, but the city cop failed to the see the humor, yet.

In talking to the sheriff he was saying how his biggest acid (or x?) bust involved a couple burgers under a passenger seat and one of the two being wrapped in it. Which was just funny as shit, so then I asked for my faygo back cuz I was thirsty, and he said no. asshole. So drunk pulls a cigarette out and gets yelled at, which of course prompts great argument from all of us since we're all smokers and not happy about the situation. So then the cop asks us again, about the drugs. Picking up or dropping off? We try to explain we were just driving around and made a wrong turn. He (sheriff) begins to tell us where are. A little place known to the locals as "Little Saigon". A war zone where cops dare not tread, lest traveling at high rates of speed or with back-up. The cops then regaled us stories of Little Saigon and life on the beat.

The city cop pops up again and says, "Ok, where's the drugs?" which again I cannot control myself and spew, "it's in the second gas tank. This is the John Delorian border running model." I think drunk chimed in with something about it running on white lightning but this has been at least 3 years ago. At this point the cop starts to laugh and moves on to the back wagon area. Where he pulls out Rev’s e-tool. For those of you not familiar, google it. It’s an army shovel/chair/axe/close combat weapon/sex toy type thing. He unfolds it says, "shit, I shoulda been using this thing the whole time". Of course we and the sheriff about shit ourselves, as he has assessed the situation and decided to go nowhere near that rolling science experiment.

Finally the cop gets done tossing the car and lets us get back in (and I get my faygo back. assholes.) and proceeds to point about 200 yards up the road to a huge, beautiful white concrete and aluminum building that is well lit and has neon everywhere and looks quite expensive and says, "look, up there is flight club. You guys go there, it's a nice little tittie bar, have some fun". again, I cannot stop myself, I point about yards up across the street from where he pointed to a 50 by 50 shit brown covered building that has no lights in the parking lot and no neon and say, "yeah, we'd prefer to go to Bogart’s dude." the cop laughs his ass off and retorts, "shit, you guys have money in bottles and cans to go to Bogart’s! Have fun be safe".

After that we proceeded to meet my mother and her girlfriends at the bar to laugh off the happenings of the last hour and a half. And ladies and gents should you ever be driving around at night on Michigan Ave. east of Middlebelt, DO NOT TURN SOUTH ON HENRY RUFF. Here endeth the lesson.

13 October 2005

quick post before drinking league starts

just in time for halloween. a remix of the "Titanic" trailer.

hehehehehehe, med school students play darndest pranks.

wow, these chicks either really hate each other, or are being paid well.judging by the caliber of guys standing around... i'm thinking the girls are meth addicts who have to "thunderdome" for a hit.

afraid you've been blocked? too dumb to create a new AIM name to check? try this site.

for those of you late to the game, the real dirt behind ATM's. *snicker*


on a seperate note, why doesn't blogger have the words "blog" or "blogger" in their spellchecker dictionary? that's pretty retarded.

12 October 2005

Oh snap! another quiz.

Well, my buddy Cwik posted the results of a quiz on his blog. so being the follower I am, I took the quiz and again decided to refute the results. I love these things.

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

yeah, so other people do not find me interesting. most of them find me loud and overbearing. Which is my true self. I do not hide it. I am a lousy listener who constantly tries to shift boring conversations about your boring trivial bullshit to conversations about my wonderfully important and super sexy problems.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

ok, looks are extremely important. though, they can't care about my looks, cuz I'm fat and not good looking. but piss on it. I so like smart girls. But dumb girls are just as fun.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

I am neither ready to commit nor am I trying to find the right person. I just want some hot monkey lovin'. fuck love.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

the first part is right, the second part... god I wish it were true.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

actually, I have proven this before, I am not interested in working. I am waiting for an inheretance or a big bag of money to fall into my lap. Until then I am content on getting by on my charm, wit, and dangerously good looks.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

I have absolutely zero dream jobs. unless you count billionare playboy as a job. then yes, I have a dream job. or porn actor. or supreme king of the world. So maybe I do have some dream jobs.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

again, career? yes I am sort of content... And no I do not need somebody to love. I want somebody to practice making babies with. and then pay the $650 if the practice works... But that's a seperate issue.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

ok, I don't have people to rely on. I would love to be unable to take care of myself cuz I would shit myself just to have people clean up after me. Then I wouldn't have to work. I could a angry feeb who spits venom at all those trying to help him, so much so they question their motivation for helping people. until one day, a smart sexy young new girl with more altruism than common sense tries to break through my outter shell into the horny guy underneath, and ultimately falls in love with me and let's me watch her have sex with 5 lesbians and some strap ons. does that also count as a dream job?

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

confidence, yes, energy... nyet. unpredictable, yes, especially after a beer or two. Mood changes? not so much. Pretty even keel. though, I can go from asleep to horny in around .0000000006 seconds. So maybe there's some truth there. calm and still, yeah, that's me. in fact my girth proves this. heh.

well, if you want to take this quiz, you can go here.

10 October 2005


umm... i want to marry this chick. and then, i want to date her.

funny porn clip. the dude is wearing socks (gay!). i think the girl on the table is asleep. and despite this, he reaches his "pinnacle". though the camera man does berate him.

08 October 2005

saturday, saturday, saaaturday saturday...

FASTER FILM! or a faster lens... i suggest playing this as a slide show with a 2 second delay. i wish the photog knew what he was doing, some of the blurry ones would be REALLY hot.

jail won't hold him. he'll just turn into fog, and slip out at will.. dumbasses.

daddy in jail? want a picture to lie to friends about? this website is for you.

the only thing gayer than the album on the site, is the song.(980k) yeah... i laughed, i cried. it's horrible.

you liked the shining re-edit... now face the "west side story" trailer edit. BRAINS! I WANT BRAINS! i would see this if it actually came out.

06 October 2005

Uhh... wtf?

uhh... ok guy... Not sure how long this will be up... so lemme know if it's down so i can remove this.

This is what you get when i wake up before 11am.

lawyer chick decides she doesn't want a boyfriend. she just wants to be treated like a whore. try to read this and not be aroused. and ladies, learn from her. LEARN FROM HER!
dude, you fucked a ghost! funny little production. kinda gay towards the end... but i gotta admit, the thought of living with a slutty ghost is kinda cool.
hehehe, revised textbooks for christians. you have to read the text in the graphics. priceless.
Fun addicting little game that i cannot seem to score above bobbing bobcat. bastards

Remember Kids Christmas is Just Around the Corner
single greatest wake up alarm type thingy ever invented. i want to buy 5 of them. and set them off in separate parts of the house. at the same time. WAKE UP FUCKERS!
yes, i need this. we all do. i saw it a year or two ago, in maxim. but it's come down in price now. yep, yet another frivolous purchase.

03 October 2005

Way to go blogger!

note the time in the corner, yeah, it's past noon. the next day. and i still couldn't actually create new posts. but was able to somehow get the photo client to post that. wahoo.

02 October 2005

some videos

wow, bored again, browsing for bullshit again.

wow, exteme ping pong. watch the guy away from the camera, the last shot he makes you know he's saying the asian version or "pwn3d!"

i don't know what is more gay this guy, or the dude giggling like a little bitch behind the camera.

for those of you who haven't seen the "shining" trailer recut.

wow. just wow. not a video... but worthy.

for those of you who have never seen it... "and boom goes the dynamite". worst sportscaster ever.

and in case any of you have been living in a hole... LEEROY JENKINS! you have to watch the whole thing. it starts slow. i predict 33.33 repeating of course percentage of survival. allright boys, let's do dis!

this guy sucks at zippo tricks. but decided to make a video anyhow.

yeah, most of these are old. but i was in a classic kind of mood today. enjoy.

Soundboards. for those of you who like to have soundboard fights.

how's that novel coming along you've been writing for three years? stewie soundboard

hail to the king baby.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. most of these are lame, but play the ones on the far right "sticks" you'll have to put it to full screen to see them. sticks three is the best.

fuck it, do your own work. they've got tons of soundboards.

time to find some videos.