28 March 2006

Kind of a neat meme from De Style Lady

Favorite Artist meme:
Choose a band or artist; and answer a bunch of questions using only titles of their songs.

Well, i gotta go with Gwar on this one

1. Are you male or female? Slutman City

2. Describe yourself: Black and Huge

3. How do some people feel about you: Dirty, Filthy

4. How do you feel about yourself: Sex Cow

5. Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend: Fire in the loins

6. Describe your current significant other: None but the Brave

7. Describe where you want to be: Pussy Planet

8. Describe how you live: Rock & Roll Party Town

9. Describe how you love: Sexecutioner

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Sex Cow

11. Share a few words of wisdom: Hate Love Songs

12. Now say goodbye: The Road Behind

so, now i tag:

And the lovely and talented Kristin

27 March 2006

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

I want a houseboat. or at least a cabin cruiser. something i can sail around the world in, evading Somali pirates, and weathering squalls all while talking like a pirate and just generally being the coolest kid in the league. i mean, a houseboat would rock. i may not be able to sail the open ocean in it, but fuck, how pimp would that be? i mean what's a better come on than, "what hospital were you born in?" easy, "hey baby, wanna see my houseboat?" "yep, just like MacGyver." and i mean really, how fuckin cool is MacGyver? that's instant pimp status. fuckin feng shui the shit outta that house boat and the women would be lining up in droves. once they sat down in the houseboat and saw how awesome its awesomeness is, you'd need a fucking spatula to get them off the seat. plus, if you want to do anything illegal in your house, you just drive out into international waters. then w00t! all hands on deck! it's time for a sexy party! hoist the jolly roger, tell women to remove their tops or walk the plank. the plank being a little board that leads to the hot tub. plus the true advantage of a houseboat; should anyone try to deviously kill me with a bomb, then i could potentially survive if i dive into the water, well, assuming that i found the bomb or uncovered the plot in time. whatever, i'll have surveillance in my boat to alert me to the potential threats that may be perpetrated on me. so, when i get my houseboat, all of you are invited to the sexy parties. there will be beer provided, but you must provide your own liquor.

23 March 2006

Fuckin' Creek Kids.

I love my creek kids. fuck you for judging me!

22 March 2006

Woops, got tagged again,

so i got tagged by auburn. and i'm just now getting around to doing this. sorry baby. i'll be more prompt next time.

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Who was it to? Describe the event.

Hrmm... 2 weeks after turning 16. oh yeah. she was some guy's girlfriend however she was in MY english class. it was great. she wasn't a virgin, i was, she knew what she was doing, and it was played well. after me losing some feeling in my cock due to errant teeth i lasted a phenomonal 45 minutes. well, 44 to be exact. 44 minutes till the feeling came back in my cock, then one minute thereafter. oh yeah!

What is the strangest place you've had sex?

i can't think of single place that is "strange" to have sex. funerals, nope. morgues... nope. hospitals, nope. feminist rallies, nope. i got nothin.

Who would you consider switching teams for?

sean connery, circa 1967. hands down. i'd suck that scott's cock like a goddamn blowpop back then. or something less gay...

Do you prefer to give or receive?

honestly, receive. i mean, i love licking box. i'm a huge fan of it. but if i had my choice of licking box and gettin head... yeah, i'd opt for the head every day of the week. what can i say, i like gettin mine as much as i like given her hers.

One night stands. What's the protocol…stay the night or get the hell outta there?

depends on the situation. i mean, if it's a solid booty call, you can stay. but if it's a true booty call, you gotsta get the fuck out. otherwise the next night she's going to be calling you boyfriend, and calling you like psycho.

Favourite body part/parts of the opposite sex?

ass, legs, the small of the back as it slopes to the ass... the belly as it firms to your touch... the nipples as they harden when your lips glide over them...

really, there's not much i don't love about the opposite sex.

Quickie or long and slow?

how can you favor one over the other? i mean each has their places in the sexual heirarchy. the passion of a quickie vs. the connection of a long and slow meeting of the groins. they both have their places, and they both have their pros and cons. i mean there, have been days where it's like 4 quickes in an hour. you get that look from the other and BOOM, there ya go. of course i've had those days where you don't feel like getting out of bed and just slow fucking all day. so... who cares. both i say!

Noisy or quiet?

NOISY NOISY NOISY NOISY NOISY NOISY NOISY!!!!! and that's all i have to say about that. i like em loud. i like makin' em loud.

Ideal amount of sex per week?

this is tangible? you can quantify this? i think not. my ideal amount? when my cock falls off or i can't feel it anymore.

What's your number one sexual turn off?

if they don't like fat guys... i'm out.

Number one arousal trigger?

a girl who likes fat guys. DUH!

What constitutes bad sex?

no sex.

Celebrity you would love to shag right now?

wait, there's a celebrity i shouldn't want to shag?

Define sexy?

me. enough said. though, i guess the female definition would be kristin. *winks to future wife*.

The best sex you ever had.

heh, wow, well, i can't name names since she has found this blog, and well, i haven't seen her in like 6 years... ish. but anyhow, her name was k**** and wow. oh wait, i wasn't gonna name names. meh, when have i been a man of my word. basically we had sex for the pure enjoyment. we were both very passionate people and that was what the sex was. no love. no emotion. just passion for sex. i mean, it was just pure human to human intimate contact. without asking we knew what buttons to push. it was pure, and we were good at what we did. it was just sex, and great sex at that. i once made her stand while i went down on her. i held her hands behind her back while i knelt and did what i wanted to do. she kept protesting as the climax grew... but i wouldn't relent. period... best pussy i've ever tasted. best girl i've slept with. hands down. wow...

ok then. good trip down memory lane...

Oh, the tagging...


[04:10] Serena: ethiopian food is supposed to be sooo good
[04:10] Serena: we will have to try it
[04:11] FindlayTex: you know, i have heard that about ethiopian.
[04:11] FindlayTex: but i laugh and imagine going to a place, only be starved and put up for adoption by sally struthers.
[04:12] Serena: odd to think of delicious food coming out of a totally overly impovershed country
[04:12] Serena: you get glasses of muddy unfiltered water.
[04:12] Serena: grubs and sticks.....lol
[04:12] FindlayTex: lol
[04:13] FindlayTex: and a train that constantly runs through it.
[04:13] Serena: lol

19 March 2006

Just Friends

So i just got done watching the movie "just friends". started watching some of the behind the scenes shit and i am racking my brain to find a girl that i was "just friends" with, that i didn't end up screwing. i couldn't think of one. i mean, any girl i ever entered the "friend bubble" and i wanted more than that... i got it. sure, i've been fortunate in that respect. i mean, usually if i ended up in the "friend bubble" or "friend zone" it was a cold calculated move to get me some. and it has nary backfired. so here is my question, to women: do you honestly have no clue what you're doing to us when you put us in the "friend bubble/zone"? i mean, really, are we as males that clandestine as to our wants and needs? yeah, i thought we were pretty obvious too. and guys... expose your inner pussy, tell us about being stuck in the "friend bubble". just for sharing's sake, i figure i'll help out. the closest to an unfulfilled "friend bubble" was my friend jeanie. she had a crush on me in like 8th grade. but then, she got hot. but i didn't actually see or hang out with her for around 4 years. we were more "phone" friends than anything. i knew when she lost her v-card and when she had sex in a lake, and eventually when she had to her face reconstructed due to an asshole ex. but i was never mad about her, wanting her constantly. so i don't know if it counts. of course there's naked beth. her and i were great friends for a short time. lot's of drunkenness and debauchery, and nudity and drunkenness and quality time spent together. but no sex. i was still delusional about an ex at the time, and couldn't bring myself to "cheat" on an ex girlfriend. yes, she was an ex at the time. i know. big pussy. trust me, i don't make those mistakes anymore. w00t! so there ya go. now, tell me stories. please. post anon if you want. i could care less. i just want stories.

18 March 2006

Last night recap

Well, it would appear that the gods were against me. after getting a later start than i would have liked yesterday, and after getting a TON of free tacos, (mmm free taco friday) and after several gallons of green and non green beer (i told the waitress to surprise me, and keep em comin') i ended up leaving the bar at around 1:30. waaaay earlier than i had hoped. but, i couldn't see straight, or talk english, or stand. how i walked home i will never know. just to paint a picture, i left the bar with a full pitcher of beer i had absconded with. by the time i was halfway home 3/4 of the pitcher was gone and i hadn't taken a single drink from it. yes, friends, chud staggered home. it wasn't pretty. during my stumble however, i decided i should try to drunk dial. as soon as i pulled out ye olde cell phone, the fucker shut off. fuckin piece of shit. oh well, at least i had the computer at home and i could do some drogging. yaaay! get home, pick up the laptop and drop the stupid fucker on the floor thusly closing it and turning it off. my beer addled brain just couldn't seem to get the damn thing turned back on. but chud, why didn't you just use the desktop computer? you ask. i was too drunk to think about that and in fact just now realized it as an option. so i decided to make some pizza rolls and i actually managed to make them. however, i passed out with them on my lap and when i woke up my brother was home, my pizza rolls were gone and i was still hungry. damn the gods and their foiling of my best laid plans!

-so apparently after a full day of drinking girls want to kiss a fat guy in a leprechaun hat. i love alcohol.

-i think i had sex with alligator.

-drunken text messages are fun.

17 March 2006

st. pats... oh noes

well, as i'm sure all of you are aware, it's st. patrick's day. in about 10 minutes or so i'm heading out to enjoy the festivities. i know i know, i'm getting a late start, but, to be fair, i was up late last night ringing the day in. s'anyway, i think i'm gonna change my password before i go. that way in my drunken stupor... i won't be able to remember it. hehehehehe. so, hopefully it works. w00t! that is all. just a warning, in case, you know, there is some jibber jabber after this post... it's just me. vomiting nonsense and green beer.

quick update...


16 March 2006


i'm happy.
i'm infatuated.
i'm excited.
i'm intrigued.
i'm amazed.
i'm hopeful.
i'm sated.
i'm cynical.
i'm ready.
i'm lonely.
i'm tired.
i'm a little drunk.

mostly though. i'm happy. thank you.

for those of you not in the know, here, is "the ultimate showdown, of ultimate destiny"


yeah, single greatest song/flash animation. EVAR!

11 March 2006


Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah something blah! arrrrrrrrgh! wahoo!!! SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE BITCH!!! hhehehehehehe. ok, so i got nothin. i'm... a little drunk, and felt the need to post. and since i have a laptop in my lap of all places... this is all you get. blaaaahaahahahahahahahaha!

la la la la la google for good drink recipes... la la la la la... oooooh! jim jones cocktail! sounds tasty... i wonder if that's anything like a tom collins?

07 March 2006

ahh lack of drunken posting

well, for the past 4 days i have had to fight the urge to drunkenly post somewhere on average of 50 times. not that i was drunk 50 times, but the times i was drunk the impulse was so strong i had to keep warding it off. damn impulses. however, i would like to write an open letter to a special someone:

Dear That Guy at the Bar,
I know, now, that we went to high school together. I think now, your name may actually be John. I will not remember your name, or your claims of being at my house at a party that I never wanted cuz I was actually planning on watching my girlfriend and Rev's girlfriend share a lesbian experience and then dive in and have a flesh pile. But your friends all decided to show up. I knew them. I do not know you. They ruined my night. Therefore you ruined my night. I had to deal with a pissed off girl who didn't get to munch box and a pissed off couple who didn't get the flesh pile they wanted. So... I got drunk. Maybe I even called you by name. If I did, rest assured I had to ask someone. Now, it's cool, that you recognize me. However, you don't have to come talk to me. Truth be told, you're kind of a dolt. More than kinda. You know, it's one thing to brag about controlling your parents in high school, WHEN YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL! But bragging about it when you're 26/27 in a bar and a career waiter who failed out of community college... not exactly something to be proud of. Have you ever noticed, when I am sat at your tables in any of the restaurants in which you have worked that I don't even acknowledge you? It's because I don't care enough about you to remember you name. And in those instances, you're even wearing a name tag. You sit and talk and make vague references to things that are on public record of what I had done in high school. Never any detail though. I'm beginning to think you're a hoax. A strange little waiter hoax. Please. Stop talking to me. I don't know you. I don't think I'd like you if I did, and for christ's sake when someone makes fun of you, to your face after everything you say, IT'S YOUR CUE TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE SO I CAN LEER AT HOT BITCHES AND FART AND BLAME IT ON SOME FRAT BOY!

The Chudder.

god i hate people sometimes. anyhow, that's my weekend. so now i leave you with me exposing my inner dork:

a 6 1/2 minute video clip. but absolutely the best video clip you will ever see! Two guys, head to head, Super Mario Brothers, start to finish, with a photo finish. i watched most of this with my mouth agape just in awe of their sweet mario skills. they are the very definition of l337!

It's british, yes, But it's still a live action simpsons opening.pretty fuckin rad at that.

Smoking gun has found a great court case. read the breif. then read the footnote on page two. priceless. i would be that judge.

The A-team Theme... Re-Cast with the Chucker and Jack Bauer as the A-Team! w00t!