27 March 2006

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

I want a houseboat. or at least a cabin cruiser. something i can sail around the world in, evading Somali pirates, and weathering squalls all while talking like a pirate and just generally being the coolest kid in the league. i mean, a houseboat would rock. i may not be able to sail the open ocean in it, but fuck, how pimp would that be? i mean what's a better come on than, "what hospital were you born in?" easy, "hey baby, wanna see my houseboat?" "yep, just like MacGyver." and i mean really, how fuckin cool is MacGyver? that's instant pimp status. fuckin feng shui the shit outta that house boat and the women would be lining up in droves. once they sat down in the houseboat and saw how awesome its awesomeness is, you'd need a fucking spatula to get them off the seat. plus, if you want to do anything illegal in your house, you just drive out into international waters. then w00t! all hands on deck! it's time for a sexy party! hoist the jolly roger, tell women to remove their tops or walk the plank. the plank being a little board that leads to the hot tub. plus the true advantage of a houseboat; should anyone try to deviously kill me with a bomb, then i could potentially survive if i dive into the water, well, assuming that i found the bomb or uncovered the plot in time. whatever, i'll have surveillance in my boat to alert me to the potential threats that may be perpetrated on me. so, when i get my houseboat, all of you are invited to the sexy parties. there will be beer provided, but you must provide your own liquor.

13 comments:

Chuck said...

hellya tell me were and when.

Kristin said...

My ex-boyfriend lives/lived on a boat. He's no MacGyver, but I'm no Patty or Selma. It's all good.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

CHUDDY!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE U QUOTED MY LINE! AHAHHAHAHHA

I luv it. :)

So, what hospital were you born in?

Drunken Chud said...

chuck, tomorrow, noon, boston. see ya there.

hehehehehe. so, you're saying if i grew hockey hair, lived on a houseboat and worked for the phoenix foundation, you wouldn't be all about me? damn me and my macguyver worship... well i still want a houseboat. was the exes cool?

hehehehehehe. laurie. would you come to my houseboat party. and i was born at St. Josephs in Mt. Clemens Michigan. w00t!

Scooter said...

Hell, yeah! The only problem is I get seasick.

Yeah. I'd need a hover house boat.

Kristin said...

Well, I do like hockey hair... The boat was cool. I would definitely come and party on yours if you got one.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

I'd definitely be there. Are u kiddin? I'll be the girl at the door collecting canned goods (beer) as admission.

I was born in St. Agnes in Baltimore!

Drunken Chud said...

scooter, i don't think you can get seasick on the docks. but whatever, you get drunk enough you won't know.

kristin, all the more incentive for me to get one. and grow hockey hair. hehehehehe.

laurie!? how can you be at the door collecting beers when you're supposed to be manning the two story beer bong. (from the top of the cabin to the hot tub). hehehe.

Steph said...

Where do i sign up?

Chuck said...

tomorrow, noon, boston. see ya there.


dose that mean today. dame i missed it did't I

I am always missing the good shit

Stepho said...

I noticed you don't have "snakes on a plane" listed as one of your favorite movies in your blogger profile. This makes me sad.

Laurie (aka buggy) said...

shit you're right.

i choose beer bong station instead.
:)

i hope yer not just using me for the one i own.

Drunken Chud said...

steph, you just did.

chuck, no dude, you're right, tomorrow noon. boston. see ya there.

stepho... you're right... i need to remedy this. however, how can it be a favorite if i haven't seen it yet?

laurie you know that's not true. but you know, you're more than welcome to bring it, you know, just in case we can't find another one.