28 April 2006

This is my friday night

[21:21] Bobby Brown: Im about to head over to my cousins
[21:21] Bobby Brown: what are you doing tonight?
[21:22] FindlayTex: not much. teh rents are gone for teh weekend. and i smell like a pizza kitchen. i think i'ma try to eat myself.
[21:22] Bobby Brown: lol
[21:22] Bobby Brown: but, you want to roll with or? you stayin home?
[21:22] FindlayTex: what's goin on teh cuz's?
[21:23] Bobby Brown: few ppl hanging out
[21:23] Bobby Brown: mostly some dirty fuckers
[21:23] Bobby Brown: im just bored and it something to do
[21:23] FindlayTex: whooooores?
[21:23] Bobby Brown: doubtful.. but, maybe
[21:23] Bobby Brown: i didnt really ask..
[21:23] Bobby Brown: i dont ask the question now that i have a g/f and i just noticed that
[21:24] FindlayTex: meh. thanks for the offer, i think i'ma just get some whiskey and chill here. maybe rent a movie and molest myself.
[21:24] Bobby Brown: right on
[21:24] FindlayTex: speaking of, what alicia doing this evening?
[21:24] Bobby Brown: she is at a party.
[21:24] Bobby Brown: a party that i didnt much want to go to
[21:24] FindlayTex: let's go to her party. she hangs wit chicas
[21:24] Bobby Brown: no
[21:25] Bobby Brown: its in taylor or some shit
[21:25] FindlayTex: chicas i can either hit on, or piss off. either way fun for me.
[21:25] Bobby Brown: and we'd be OLD FUCKERS
[21:25] FindlayTex: dude, i've made peace with that.
[21:25] Bobby Brown: like 22-26 hanging out with 18-19 y/o's
[21:25] FindlayTex: heh
[21:25] Bobby Brown: i have to.. on an individual basis
[21:26] Bobby Brown: Not her friends..
[21:26] Bobby Brown: they all have those gay b/f things
[21:26] Bobby Brown: they are relationship girls
[21:26] Bobby Brown: you have a way better chance finding whores going to my cousins
[21:26] Bobby Brown: some skeezy always comes threw the door
[21:27] Bobby Brown: anyhow
[21:27] Bobby Brown: im showring..
[21:27] Bobby Brown: Ill call you when i leave.. to see if you still want to chew on your arm and molest yourself
[21:28] FindlayTex: ALL 18-19 GIRLS ARE EASY. EVEN WITH BOYFRIENDS. see there's a recipe, it goes like this: borfriend + booze + other dudes = pissing contest. girl + booze + pissing contest boyfriend paying no attention to her + strange fat man paying her compliments = my dick sucked.


[21:39] Gina rip: Hello
[21:40] FindlayTex: are you going to spam me? cuz i should let you know, i'm not very good looking.
[21:40] FindlayTex: and i'm also an extremely sexy pirate.
[21:40] FindlayTex: i know, it's a conundrum
[21:40] FindlayTex: not good looking, yet still a sexy pirate.
[21:41] FindlayTex: i feel it's more the romance of the pirate life than anything.
[21:41] *** Error while sending IM: This user is currently not logged on
[21:41] FindlayTex: damn.
[21:41] *** Error while sending IM: This user is currently not logged on


This is a 5 or so minute clip, of a talent show. in which some people re-enact an entire level of Super Mario Bros. I love it cuz i'm a dork. you'll love it cuz you're a dork too.

adding to my dorkiness... watching tetris grand masters go head to head makes me want to cry. i couldn't stop watching. it's like a fucking trance.

Life isn't always easy on the porn set. sometimes, you have to have a dildo light saber battle to see who's on top. no nudity, just dildo handled lightsabers.

the best backflips only go half right. this is a classic.

25 April 2006

Get a clue.

there has been a chain letter flitting it's way around teh intarwebs about how to lower gas prices. it states some stupid shit about not buying from exxon mobil or anything under that moniker. it makes no reference to abating use or demand. whatever, it's a retarded chain written by somebody who failed high school econ. you're stupid for believing it if you read it, and you're stupid for trying to enact what they say. if demand stays the same, and the supply isn't going to see a glut anytime soon, then your prices won't fall. the thing that pissed me off most was that during a news report today, some john q. public referenced this chain letter. i laughed, cuz, well, retards make me laugh.

but here's where i start getting pissed off: earnings statements for the first quarter are coming out this week. exxon mobil will announce thursday, BP has already, whatever. so, after the earnings statements come out, the news is all over them, "LOOK AT THE PROFITS THE EVIL OIL COMPANIES ARE POSTING"!!!! ok, fine, you need something to attract viewers, gas prices are high, and people are sheep. w00t. but, they're businesses. they're supposed to turn a profit. now, stop, and think about this for a second... what if any one of the top three oil companies actually posted a loss? personally, i don't want to see that day. that will be an ugly day. now, instead of getting all preachy and talking about shit that everybody should know, i'm simply going to point out some math:

this is going to be tailored to michigan, as it's the state i live in

crude oil/barrel...........$70.00 ($1.40/gal)
michigan state tax.........$0.19875/gal plus 6% sales tax
federal excise tax.........$0.184/gal

so right now, we have:

+ $0.184

this price does not include the 6% sales tax. which if it did would put it at $1.89/gal. now, since i couldn't find any reliable sources as to the cost per gallon to refine crude i'm just going to pose a simple question: with gas prices in the area around $2.89/gal do you think you can refine, store, transport, pay your employees, and turn a profit for less than one dollar per gallon? well, actually to be really fair, less than $0.94 (we still need to add the sales tax on). i mean, gas stations run themselves right? there's no overhead, so owners shouldn't need to mark up the product at all right?

anyhow, for 1979, adjusted for inflation the average price per gallon was $2.93 and that was adjusted to 2000 dollars. this being 2006 that sum would be quite a bit higher pushing it over $3.00/gallon. blah blah blah blah. i'm sick of hearing people bitch and moan and blame the oil companies cuz they're teh evil. well, without them you'd be walking asshole. so either, drive less, or shut your cake hole.

for the record:
BP's first quarter report:.............$5.6 billion (-$1 billion from 2005)
Google's first quarter report:......$2.3 billion
Pfizer's first quarter report:........$4.1 billion
McDonalds first quarter report:..$5.1 billion

and some light reading if you want it:
in case you don't pay attention at the pump and want to see what your state is charging you per gallon

the study commissioned by the state of michigan in 2000 for gas prices, trends, etc. (pdf)

so anyhow, i'm tired now, it's 7am, and i am all preached out.

20 April 2006

Very Interesting

For those of you not familiar with the two gentlemen in the photograph, they are Mikhail Kalashnikov and Eugene Stoner. The sheer symbolism of this picture goes well beyond that of mutual respect. But more to the ability of man to overcome itself. Read up on the men, and realize on a larger scale what that picture represents to you.

ok. enough thinking. now... time to enjoy some links.

Apparently, rumors were that the orginal Super Mario Bros. was laden with Communist propaganda. Somebody decided to REALLY make it blatant. this one of the better flash animations i've seen.

I want to party with this chick. she can pee, do a beer bong, chew bubble gum, and speak drunken jibberish all at the same time.

Carolyn Murphy, S.I. Supermodel, has a sex tape. here's 3 or so minutes of it. Gotta love a girl who knows how to please herself while on top. mmm mmm.

16 April 2006

Easter Egg Hunt

So, every year, the family gets together and has an easter egg hunt. now, all of us are over 21, so, it's more of beer drinking while meandering the aunt's house looking for plastic eggs. funny thing is, my uncle writes up a list of where he hides the eggs so that we can find them should we, well, fail. last night, as we had all reached our quota a newcomer on the scene, my cousin's fiance, was two eggs short. we used the list, we scoured, we drank more, and more, and became complacent. we gave up. two eggs short. so, a few hours and a couple board games later i'm taking a leak and see one behind some potpourri cans. NOW WE'RE ONLY ONE SHORT! so, going over there today for easter dinner, and to try to find that last egg... i'm betting the little kids who hunt today are gonna find it. little punks.


Happy Easter Jehova's Witnesses. THAT'S NOT PIOUS!

Do not watch this. it is not safe for work. you cannot unsee it.

13 April 2006


angry drunken post about friends and betrayal, brewing. sad post about about wonton lust and not getting the girl, seeping through. happy post about seeing a girl i grew up with, even if she was with the guy whose ass i had to kick 3 months ago or so, bubbling. fuck it. so i had these friends. had being the operative word. we tried going into business together, we formed a company, they, after we had a meeting and discussed time frames, decided to renege on discussed time frames, then talk to the lawyer behind my back (which i had to talk my way out of a $400 bill thank you) to get themselves out of the company. well, after doing this, they then decided to empty the company account. which, i told them up front i would give them the cash, if they asked for it. but they stole it. period. behind my back, closed the company account. currently i'm deciding on legal action, since i am within my rights to do so. but, i haven't decided. anyhow, so they clean out the account, and sign over their shares 5 months in advance of the drop dead date we had set. i guess i thought peoples word's were worth something. so, they get engaged (presumably with the stolen money) and are now looking at a house to purchase. how did i find out about the house? well, we were hanging out and i was checking out the digital camera they had and scrolling through the pics and noticed a pic of a house. with a for sale sign in the yard. i asked, they hesitated, i knew. but they said it was a house they looked at. at least their hesitation tells me they feel guilty about being shitheads. so, then i see who their agent is in the pics. abviously it's not me, cuz, well, the screwing never stops, it's a guy i prompted to get into the biz about a year ago at my birthday. the problem here isn't that they wanted to go their seperate ways, i can dig that. it's that they went about it all behind my back and thought i wouldn't notice. like i'm a fucking retard. like the lawyer doesn't immediately call me when they call about this shit that fucking day. then a few weeks later they decide to tell me. i already knew assholes. like the bank doesn't call me as soon as they close the account, which by the way they have never said boo about. so fuck em. if that's how they conduct themselves, i'm glad their out now, instead of later. dead weight... gone. friends... done. don't need em.

as for the second thing that was seeping... fuck it. i have no game. i am in the friend zone. she's rad enough i can dig that, but it will take a while. not everyone can see me as the sexy bitch i see myself as. hehe. meh, fuck it, this drunk ass is out. if ever i get too cocksure, someone please remind of this whiney bitch ass post and put me back in place. who knew booze turned me into a fuckin balless pussy.

12 April 2006

I'm a sexy pirate.

[00:08] vicecityrocks: hi... nyone there?
[00:09] Findlaytex: is this gonna be spam?
[00:09] vicecityrocks: lol, im not spammiing you.
[00:09] Findlaytex: whew.
[00:09] vicecityrocks: oh your there :) zi...
[00:09] Findlaytex: heh. been getting a lot of IM spam lately.
[00:09] vicecityrocks: a/s/l (age sex lpcation)?
[00:10] Findlaytex: 27 male detroit. you?
[00:10] vicecityrocks: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thought you migght like to chat.
[00:10] vicecityrocks: so what have you beenn up to findlaytex?
[00:11] Findlaytex: not a whole heck of a lot.
[00:11] Findlaytex: workin. drinkin.
[00:11] vicecityrocks: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny :) (*blushes))
[00:11] vicecityrocks: oh no not work... thats a 4 letter word yoi know..
[00:11] Findlaytex: heh.
[00:11] Findlaytex: yes, i do know.
[00:11] vicecityrocks: feel like a little cyber fun wih me ? please please...
[00:11] Findlaytex: sure why the hell not.
[00:12] Findlaytex: just so you know, i'm a pirate.
[00:12] Findlaytex: eye patch, and all.
[00:12] Findlaytex: but a sexy pirate.
[00:13] vicecityrocks: alright :) how bouut i get down on my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?
[00:13] Findlaytex: well, you know how to start a party don't. you? let me help you with the belt.
[00:13] vicecityrocks: tell me what ou want me to do with you while i slip out of my panties
[00:13] vicecityrocks: oh yeah babe.. dont stop. while i slide my hand down between my llegs and part my moist lips
[00:13] vicecityrocks: oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your bals, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat
[00:13] vicecityrocks: open my website so you can lopk at me while im sucking you. use the link in my profile!
[00:16] Findlaytex: wow, you're kinda hit. can't you send stacy or elisabeth my way?
[00:16] Findlaytex: maybe both of them.
[00:16] Findlaytex: they would love my fat rolls and small cock.
[00:18] Findlaytex: nothing? is the party over?
[00:19] Findlaytex: i'm sorry. i AM the face of E.D.

yeah, so that's what you get when i haven't been drinking and someone spams me. god i love spammers. so, went to the Wings game tonight, we wooped some ass and took the presidents trophy outright. so fuck all y'all lesser teams. other than that, nothing new going on. lately i've been less of a drunken chud and more of a sober chud. this has to do with my lack of money which is due to my lack of gainful employment. well, any employment really. so, you'll all know when i have money cuz the drunken rambling posts will be a plenty.



If you ignore the dumbasses behind the camera, the outcome is hilarious.

Did he just knock himself out? good thing the ref called it.

Ok, this is kinda cool. Game 6 of the '86 series between BoSox and NyMets. re-enacted on RBI baseball, with the original call from the game. (8 1/2 minutes long).

05 April 2006

Stick it up ya Jaxie you jizz faced gobshites

[13:42] Ashley k 5937: Hey you
[13:44] FindlayTex: is this gonna be spam?
[13:44] Ashley k 5937: Whatup go to 92ir82pg7jwv33CuddleCove.compio9v62w8e7u156
[13:44] FindlayTex: gah! ya got me!

well, i got nothin. hopefully i will bless you all with a nice drunken post this evening. otherwise, all you get today is links! w00t. and watch out, i just learned how to make my links pop up in new windows. so now i'm teh l337!

do not stick things in your urethra. this video will tell you why not.

What is the easter bunny doing the other 364 days? KICKIN' ASS!

if this were a real dealership commercial, i'd so buy from them. (nsfw language)

hehehe. marry lou retton he is not. dumbass.

i'm not too entirely sure who torrie wilson is. but she get's knocked the fuck out!

dude tries to eat 50 cadbury eggs. gets to 25, then rapidly loses 20. the sheer volume of vomit at the end... GOLD! cool hand luke he is not.

01 April 2006

Cinco De Mayo?????

For the last few evenings I have seen a poorly made and, extremely hilarious commercial for a local municipality. This commercial is for, you guessed it: Cinco de Mayo! It’s just now April... and they're running a commercial for Cinco de Mayo. You don't even get that kind of dedication to St. Pat's. Now, the funniest part is the small as shit (2 miles wide by about 6 miles long), and pretty much a 50/50 split between black and white trash township that's having the "cinco de mayo fiesta". Yes kids, I’m talking about Redford. Redford is our Detroit buffer. It’s not as shitty as Detroit, but it's not as nice as the rest of the area. The thing is, I don't think there's a Mexican contingent in Redford at all. sure, there's the golf courses, so of course there's laborers, but I don't think that qualifies as a large enough contingent to have a Cinco de Mayo 2 day event. As far as I know, there aren't even any Mexican restaurants in Redford. So, while all of these thoughts were flying through my head I continued watching the commercial. There is a great graphic you can hardly see of the band "Monumental Mariachi Cora! With smarmy looking men around a man who could quite possibly be the Alcalde. That gives way to a graphic for the band "Caporales de la Sierra!”, then they say something about Mexican food and there are two Mexicans standing in what looks a funnel cake booth. Next is some cut away shots of fat white kids followed by some shots of little black and white kids (I am pausing the tivo to try to find Mexicans right now since it came on again whilst I was typing this). Oooh a shot of a tall Mexican and some shitty "fair" sombreros and more fat white people in biker jackets. And that's pretty much the whole commercial. HOWEVER! During this whole thing, as I am staring with my mouth agape, there is an announcer giving normal commercial commentary on everything. The announcer is the best part. The coup de grĂ¢ce. It’s basically a white dude, holding his nose, doing the absolute WORST Speedy Gonzalez impersonation evar! I keep replaying this piece of trash and laughing my ass off. I absolutely have to go to this atrocity. I will have big wet burritos, and wear sombrero's and drink mucho dos equis and tequila while the real Mexicans that were bused in as entertainment look on in horror as a fat white man with an eye patch (of course I’ll have the pirate eye patch on) bastardizes their culture. I will say (see: drunkenly yell) things like "Mas cervesas por favor!!!!!" and yell sing/fake the words to "la bamba". But then, I’m a cad and this celebration has about as much to do with Mexican independence as it does the war over Toledo. VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

i don't know what to say to this:

[04:55] Ndaydream69: hi, 19/f bi curious and 26/m findlay, ohio, bored wana chat maybe meet up sometime
[04:56] FindlayTex: can i bring a friend?
[04:56] Ndaydream69: sure
[04:56] FindlayTex: she's fat.
[04:57] Ndaydream69: maybe just have you at first though if that is ok?
[04:57] FindlayTex: i'm fat.
[04:58] Ndaydream69: lol, funnny, not into games bye
[04:58] FindlayTex: bye
[04:58] FindlayTex: but i really am fat.
[04:59] Ndaydream69: you bi curious?
[04:59] FindlayTex: not even a little bit.
[05:00] FindlayTex: sorry.
[05:01] Ndaydream69: cool

and now some linkies:

Hehehehe. the squirrel shows the deer how he rolls.

i think the point of doing a backflip into a pool is more "out" than "up". woops.

worst. wrestler. evar.

i have never been so bored that i thought wrapping a ceiling fan in barbed wire and then hopping up into sounded like fun. this guy has.

this guy is my circle puking hero.