31 March 2008

Ruining "Lola" One Person at a Time.

Nelly: (listening to "Lola") dude, good song.

Me: Uhh, dude this song creeps me out.

Nelly: What? it's a good song.

Me: Dude it's about falling in love with a tranny.

Nelly: What the fuck?

Me: Dude, the line, "i know what i am i'm a man and so is my Lola" caps off the rest of the song and its overt lyrics about Lola being a man. seriously.

Nelly: (turning up the radio) "Well Im not dumb but I cant understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

Me: See?

Nelly: (listening to the radio still) "Well we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said dear boy wont you come home with me
Well Im not the worlds most passionate guy..."

Me: ...

Nelly: (Still still listening) "Well I left home just a week before
And Id never ever kissed a woman before
But lola smiled and took me by the hand
And said dear boy Im gonna make you a man"

Me: see, he still hasn't kissed a woman. she's a man MAN.

Radio: "Well Im not the worlds most masculine man
But I know what I am I'm a man
And so is lola
Lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

Nelly: Thanks for ruining a good song for me asshole. Now whenever I hear this song I'll forever be upset.

Me: Well, it's a song about a guy who falls in love with a girl an finds out she's a man, and is ok with it. Oldest love story in the book. Uhhh, sorry dude.

03 March 2008

Hungry eyes

you haven't lived till you've drunkenly pulled off the lift from dirty dancing to the song "hungry eyes" in a packed bar to a standing ovation.

a bit of warning though, every girl who thinks they are sveldt yet who is considerably less than, will try to get you to do the lift with them. i find that saying you have bad shoulders (which i actually do) works out (even if they aren't bothering you). seriously, i'm a big guy, and i've got some brute strength, but the girl i was lifting was small enough that i could get her up to full arm extension with a little help from her, but the other girls wanting to be "baby" for a hot second... shit, i'd have needed the exoskeleton from alien.

however, i will say to any women trying to do said lift, DO NOT JUST TRY TO JUMP UP. seriously, if you just try to jump as high as you can all we as the guy are doing is trying to slow your fall and then lift you against that momentum. this equals failure. you have to seriously try to jump at our foreheads. i mean really try to jump at our foreheads. seriously aim to try to tackle our hairline. then, and only then can we make it look fluid. just a tip. we may be strong, but when you are dead weight, or working counter to physics, it can suck. so, that's my tip.

p.s. nobody puts baby in a corner.