… Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Wow… so updates. Right now I’m chillin in the back seat somewhere on I-10 in Florida. The last few days have been a blur. And well they should be as I had a 680 dollar bar tab (I had to take it easy since I didn’t have a lot of money). But brief rundown/ lessons learned on this trip:
I love lesbians.
Girls named Kari from Kentucky who are hot as shit and making out with you will not sleep with you because of the gigantic rock on her finger.
Girls named Erin won’t sleep with you cuz her girlfriend is angry and she just got nailed an hour earlier.
Erin’s girlfriend won’t sleep with you because the guy she’s making out with is hotter than you. However both girls will give you their digits and place of employment so you can call and come visit when you all get home.
Girls named Julie won’t sleep with you cuz your younger brother managed to stay sober longer to spit more game.
Girls named Tara won’t sleep with you cuz “I’m gonna pass out on the floor cock up, why don’t you come ride it?” is not a good line… apparently.
Ordering tequila shots by the handful for yourself to catch up with everyone else that happen to be drunk… not a good idea, as I am no longer vomit free since 2003.
Oh, girls named Natasya from Macedonia who are back in training as a competitive kick boxer and who will match your tiger style with her crane style will not sleep with you no matter how badly they want to because it will get them fired. Also when confronted with a Mui Thai stance, she will grapple your ass and start throwing knees, which in the middle of a dining room is just fucking hot. It’s hot anywhere but it was hotter there.
Girls named Janelle from the Philippines will not sleep with you even though you promise to give her your e-mail and profess your love for her in Tagalog.
I am now immortalized on Carnival Imagination, as I was walking past the dice table I heard the dealer on stick say, “winner winner chicken dinner!” I stopped, then I heard it from the roulette table. And neither person could have seen me as I was behind both of them, and sober (read: not yelling).
Crazy Polish dudes don’t appreciate a solid cock block, and they will return to the scene of the crime after you’re gone. Only to be ignored. HA!
When I am in full on bumrush drunk mode and come into the room and kick off my sandals not unlike a ninja and Joe tries to block them from hitting him, I take exception to his arm block technique and tell him not to shush me like I;m the damn toxic avenger.
Oh, if you party till 430 am and have to wake up at 7am to disembark you will be hating yourself. However when you decide to be the goodwill ambassador to friends in the line by delivering champagne to them it makes it slightly more bearable. Oh, and when someone says to you, “Jesus Christ it’s 8am!” the only proper response to that is, “booze can’t tell time”.
Going through customs with a buzz=FUN!
Also, since the line to disembark runs past your room, getting in line is for losers, instead, open your door sit in comfort drink champagne and watch cheaper by the dozen two and wait for the line to pass you by. Cuz really, why wait in line in you can watch TV, drink and smoke.
Oh, and family sucks. Well, mostly my brother, since he decided he needed to inform everyone at our table that I have another addiction. I laugh at brown words. It’s juvenile I know, but suddenly a light bulb appeared over everyone’s head when they suddenly realized why I was always giggling like a schoolgirl whenever they would announce anything to do with the duty free. So then, for the rest of the night people would just walk past me and drop a kaka here, a feces there and doodies abound (ok, I’m laughing really hard at the thought of poop being flung about so willie nillie). So yes, there is another confession for you. Oh, when people say stuff like, “yeah but, fuckin the roads are horrible” all I hear is “butt fuckin”. Anyhow, it’s quarter to 6 and we’re in Georgia and my brain is addled. So I don’t know when I will post this. But I’m sure I’ll scam some wifi somewhere between here and Detroit.
well, i had posted this about 6 hours ago, and after awaking from my nap, seems i did not actually post it. meh. meh. anyhow, yeah, if someone had an rss and would like to copy the original update from the bottom in the comments i'd appreciate it.