23 July 2006

I'm down with O.P.P.

Wow, ok, so it’s been a while. So I will start out with simply this: I LOVE POUTINE. What? Yeah I said it. French fries, cheese curds and gravy. So damn delicious. Anyhow I had a ton of fun in Canadialand. I mean really, how can you not what with the drinking and golfing and golfing and drinking. I will however say FUCK CANADA. I had to pay duty on 3 cases of beer, yippie shit right? Throw em a fin and be done with it right? FUCKING WRONG BITCHES! After a 5% duty, 7%GST and 38% MOTHERFUCKING PROVINCIAL MARK-UP I am now paying 50% in taxes which just took my $45 purchase and turned it into an almost $70 purchase. Everything is so much more expensive over there, and that’s without the 15% sales taxes you pay on everything. But, I guess that’s the price you pay for shitty socialized health care. I would absolutely love to see the percentages of provincial mark up on all goods, cuz I’m pretty sure it would be fucking scary. You pay around 30% in income tax right out of your check, then 15% on everything you buy, plus the province skims their own vig on the provincial mark up… fuck that. This is why Americans who want social health care are retarded. Talk to Canadians, most of them hold private insurance, otherwise they’d die in line waiting for any kind of operations. Anyhow, I’m done with that. Moving on.

On the drive back there was an accident, and an odd looking one at that. Someone flew off the road at a high enough rate of speed to smack into a telephone pole about 5 or 6 feet up the pole and around 15-20 feet off the road. That’s hard core. However, you know bad shit happened when one ambulance leaves with siren blaring and not 2 minutes later another one leaves, driving slow, and without lights or siren. Guess there’s no rush when you’re just delivering a corpse.

A couple nights ago Rev and I were out doing our thing (read: getting shit faced) and boy did we do it right. We burned through a half gallon of cheap whiskey then decided to hit the bar. I know for certain I was telling the waitress I wanted to do shots off her ass, which, apparently I thought was a spectacular ass. Then I proceeded to have a full conversation with the 50 year old bartender lady about women’s breasts. A bunch of whiskey and jager bombs later we headed to a diner, I have no clue what I ate, but I know for certain I was hitting on the waitress like mad. She also had a stellar ass and for some reason when I’m drunk I feel that the more I tell a woman how great her ass is, the more smooth I am being. I was told she’s a lesbian, but I refuse to believe it. I want my illusions.

16 comments:

Rev said...

Dude, she is teh gay. It's been discussed, sometimes in graphic detail , with her.

Then we make her read out of the sex toy catalog.

Then we have disgusting talks about "ball cages"

And I ain't talking slo-pitch, either.

Scooter said...

Well... it would appear someone mistook 110 kph for mph...

Stickler said...

Sounds like an excellent trip chud. And don't worry i'm sure 50 year old lesbians have learned to swing both ways!

Drunken Chud said...

she can't be gay. i need her to not be gay.

could be an option scooter, but the car had canuck plates.

stick stick stick... the waitress wasn't 50, but if she was, and still as hot as she is... i'd still wanna do her. heh.

Kristin said...

Welcome back, ass man.

Drunken Chud said...

thank you. kristin. thank you thank you.

Stepho said...

Canada's privatized, not socialized, which is why their health care sucks. It's a common misconception that it's totally socialized. Europe on the other hand seems to have it much better when it comes to that sort of thing. (And I know, because when I was on dialysis all my doctors kept whining wistfully about how good dialysis was in Europe as opposed to the shit we have here, and I know the brits aren't getting a bill for $38,000 every month, which is about what they wanted me to pay.) Not that I am bitter :) Of course I guess once you're past a certain age you don't get treated as well, so enh...it's either get well in the US and never be able to buy a house or do anything because you're poor and bankrupt and getting your wages garnished, or go to Europe and have all the free prescriptions you want, but then get the boot when you're 60. Life is a bitch.

Drunken Chud said...

no steph, canada is socialized. they all have their health care cards and no citizen has to carry their own health insurance. it is an option however for them to carry their own to get better treatment, but trust me their health care is truly socialized. we are privatized, they... they are backwoods, overtaxed on an overvalued dollar, moose fucking socialistes.

Drunken Chud said...

hehehehe socialistes... kinda like a testes...

Coyote Mike said...

I'd still rather have socialized than the health insurance I have now, which is none.

Scooter said...

Do you need a ladder to fuck a moose?

Drunken Chud said...

mike, it'd be cheaper for you annually to buy basic insurance than it would be for you to have socialized healthcare.

scooter, no, no you don;t. but somehow you have to stop it from eating you out of anger.

Scooter said...

For the last time, a moose will fucking kill you, but it WON'T eat you. You are not full of pine cones.

Rev said...

But, he DID qualify it with "out of anger" not "for sustenance"

I'd bite off a baby's head if it would'nt shut up...but not because I was hungry...

Drunken Chud said...

scooter, until you've seen a man eaten by a moose, you'll never understand the horror.

well, i'd eat a baby out of hunger. that'd be some tender meat rev.

Rev said...

I can see that, but only if starving. I was more reffering to an everyday occurance.

Face it, I'm more likely to eat a baby out of rage, than to HAVE to eat one to survive