16 April 2007

spank bank.

Sometimes I wonder what my exes/former lovers/hook ups would think if they knew that in times of need, when I dig into the spank bank, I think of them. earlier this week, I dug far into the spank bank I had to actually pat myself on the back when I successfully remembered everything in detail. I have to thank my genes for being blessed with a photographic memory. not the kind you see in movies, however, the real kind. the kind where your mind makes snapshots of every moment and you can examine every detail ad infinitum/ad nauseam. the curve of every girls ass, the slope of every girls breast, the angle of their jaw, their scent. all these things, are things I rely on lately. my porn has become stale, and i've found that a couple happy thoughts about bygone women can have an amazing effect. and this is what started me to thinking, "what if they knew I was slappin ham to their memory". I like to think that if they dated/liked/did me, they'd expect nothing less. thoughts?

24 comments:

joe said...

What's really weird is that I've been writing a post somewhat along these lines for a while.

Not so much the jerking part, with the memory part.

Drunken Chud said...

heh. great minds spank alike joe. sad thing is, a chick at the bar last night had an econo sized bottle of jergens in her purse last night... i got more turned on by the bottle than anything else that night. hehehehehe.

Rev said...

Well, I've found that the general reaction is one of horror and revulsion.

Cunts, you're supposed to feel special.

Steph said...

Well, I would be flattered and hope my arse didn't look big in your memory.

joe said...

Steph, please send Chud (and myself) a pic of twelve of your arse, so that we can make sure it looks perfect in our minds.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

"Slappin' ham to their memory!" Holy crap, that's funny. I have a couple of encounters that I rely on in a pinch.

I will say though, that when I think of someone that is totally wrong for me, or just wrong all together, it gets the job done better. Why is that?

Drunken Chud said...

hehehehe, yeah, special.

well steph, your ass doesn't look big in my memory. it looks firm, and tan. i lick it a lot. yes, lick.

joe... go get em tiger.

you know ken, i have realized that in times of dire need i always go to a couple of standbys that we were great together in the sack, but horrible in life. and then there are the ones i never go to. i noticed when i did an inventory the other day before posting this. i definately have some gaps in my process. i wonder why that is?

Scooter said...

... Just wait for the newest feature for cars in 2012, man.

zen wizard said...

"Spank bank"--that's a classic!

Glad I have one; wish I could add to it. All the women in my spank bank look like Seventies porn stars.

I am sick of having nothing but Farrah Fawcett hairdos in my spank bank.

Time to get some new currency in the spank bank!

(Man, this is going to be way harder than the job I get PAID to do...)

zen wizard said...

I have thought long and hard about this issue--no pun intended--and I have decided with what little I know about female psychology, that waxing the dolphin while thinking about them would NOT turn them on.

What WOULD turn them on is the more green-eyed monster--as opposed to ONE-EYED MONSTER--activity of shtupping a really hot chick and thinking about--not them, but the chick.

In other words, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. Like clockwork, after you love the one you're with, the one you can't be with will call the next day."

Drunken Chud said...

scoots... i'm waiting, and applying for patents.

zen... that's rough dude. rough rough rough. hairy bushed farah fawcett spank bank... egads.

again zen, i think you may have tapped into something there. i think you need to write a book. i'd buy it.

zen wizard said...

Well, we are accepting 24-hour deposits to the spank bank, if you have a bunch of left-over twentysomething women up there.

Drunken Chud said...

shit, if i had left overs, i'd be eating like the day after thanksgiving.

Danal said...

Dude is all I have to say about your post babe. But I will share a polish moment (that's spelled wrong) I had when i came home from the BP last night. So i'm sitting at my computer when I spot a candy wrapper, and I think to myself...hmmm... I wonder if i can light it on fire and it'll burn out with just one try. Well sure as shit it does along with jumping it's melted goodness onto my thumb nail.......lordy lordy that shit hurts!!!

Stepho said...

Well, I sometimes end up imagining people that I had great chemistry with up until the moment they actually "stuck it to me," so to speak. Then I spend a lot of time trying to shove that out of my mind. A lady can go numb trying NOT to think about the time...well...I suppose I can't even post the real memory because it's rather identifying.

Drunken Chud said...

danal... ... ... i'm in awe.

stepho, i'm not sure i get what you're saying, but i think it has something to do with a memory of a dream you had of me. it happens. don't fight it. just relax and let Jiggles do his magic. heh.

josh williams said...

Just dropped by via zen...I have a spank bank rich with treasures, if I could only sell them on ebay. Nice blog and thanks for the hospitality and the phrase spank bank. JW

Scooter said...

Hmmm.... I'm bored, and you are entertaining. Or rather, you are entertaining when you POST SOMETHING!!!

Anonymous said...

Well my dear, from the female perspective and more specifically from someone in your spank bank (I know this because you told me so)...I find it flattering. So spank away...:-)

Drunken Chud said...

wow, this is troubling. not sure how to play this. i have several exes that have found this site... hrmm... well, i guess i will take your advice and "spank away". ineed i will. indeed i will. spank away...

Eve said...

I like to imagine my exes thinking of me.

I think everyone does it, kind of a "best of" montage, if you will.

Drunken Chud said...

eve, very true about the montage. i always start out with some of the ones that turned me on the most, and i always finish with the same two or three, the ones that REALLY did it for me.

Anonymous said...

Now see, I tend to have the women I've yet to be with in my bank. Sometimes it actually happens which means they go into reserves in the spank bank.

Drunken Chud said...

i can't do that. if i have nothing to go off of, then then i can't jerk it to anything. so i have to have the memories of the dirty shit to really get my rocks off.