06 November 2007

Gotta pay the juice

Me: How much you got on the game?
AC: I got $400 on Baltimore
Me: Why?
AC: I bet the opposite, everyone was taking Pittsburgh.
Me: You do know there’s a reason they’re taking Pit right?
AC: Yeah, but I bet the under and took the Ravens.
Me: (Steelers score again) You know you’re gonna lose right?
AC: Shut up

--

Rambo: Ragin’ thought she was my little sister.
Me: Nah, you’re tits aren’t big enough to be related to her. Hey, where you goin?

--

AC: Best case, I kiss my sister and pay the juice.
Me: (dying laughing as the Steelers score again.)
AC: COME ON!

--

Me: (to the 17 year old cook) Hey Zack, what’s your mom’s name? I forgot it after I got done fucking her last night.
Zack: OH! BURN!
Me: Wow, I don’t know where that came from. That was completely uncalled for.
Zack: Yeah, it kinda was.

--

On a related note, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out how I got home last night. I got nothin’.

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As Many of you may know, as I have stated on here before, I am an ass man. A great ass, plus a nice set of stems, getaway sticks, or gams, really sets my heart a flutter. And I mean that in the literal sense, it actually makes my heart race, like a lion after prey. However, as of late, something new has started to happen, something… odd. Let me preface this by the fact that I have never in my life been a breast man. Ever. But lately, I find myself being drawn to them. And quite large ones. It is somewhat disconcerting as I know not how to control myself. I am constantly staring or fixated. However, I have worked up a theory about this: since most of the new bar staff is quite stacked, all of this is just some Pavlovian response to being served. So, when I see someone who has… matronly breasts, I get thirsty and lusty at the same time. The reason I came up with this is that the attraction to breasts, isn’t so much an attraction as a fixation, and doesn’t have the same physical effects on me. On the plus side, I’m not gonna be hurting for breasts to stare at for a while.

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and now some fun links (all links pop):

this little girl gets OWNED!

why getting old sucks.

I think we did this when I was in high school… only we waited till the cars were closer.

not sure what he was trying to do, but it’s entertaining to me

22 comments:

Dyna Girl said...

Did you just call me, "Mama"?

Drunken Chud said...

only if you just spanked me.

Steph said...

chuddy, You are so the male version of me. I say inappropriate shit all the time. Love it.

suicide_blond said...

i dont know why but that invisible ope thing.. was slaying me...
xoxo

suicide_blond said...

um...thats invisible Rope thing..
sorry..duh..
xoxo

Drunken Chud said...

steph, one of these days we will party. it will be the end of the world when we do. we're create a perfect vortex of retardery and drunkenness.

blonde, seriously, i was laughing so hard i almost laughsharted.

Scooter said...

We are all lucky to have you in our lives, Chud. We are all, indeed, quite lucky.

zen wizard said...

With the Writers' Strike and all, they should just take YOUR LIFE and make it a situation comedy script.

Kristin said...

I do appreciate your transition to breast man.

Drunken Chud said...

scooter, i will not have sex with you.

Zen, it would have to be on cable or air after 10pm on a network willing to exploit the safe haven laws. cuz a watered down version... just wouldn't play.

kristin, i'm not sure that it's a transition to breast man, just a new found appeal towards them. in the past, i could take them or leave them. now, i want to take them, play with them, love them, maybe some gentle nibbles on them, and watch them bounce. heh.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I love me some fun bags. I too am powerless in their presence. I'd follow a nice set of juggs to the end of the universe, or maybe even Cleveland.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

P.S. Those kids with the rope were good! They really sold it!

Drunken Chud said...

ken, it's still a great ass that i'd follow. but the fun bags don't hurt. and yeah dude, that first car, i can't believe the discipline they showed in staying with the gag. who says kids these have no direction.

zen wizard said...

On the impossibly huge breasts--just remember, as scientists have discovered, it takes a double H to crush a beer can.

If you are looking for a combination lover/trash compactor, I will work on getting Pandora Peaks' phone number.

Drunken Chud said...

wow zen, i think that's just a tad bit too big for me. and by tad bit i mean that the largest i've ever been with was a D. and there's only two of those in the library. though, technically there may be a couple more, but i don't like to admit having sex with those girls, so i pretend they never existed. but, i would say that the mean cup size that i have dated/shtooped is a solid B.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Tonight is a good night to get shitty and play the rope game. Who's with me???????

Drunken Chud said...

i'm with ya ken. well, i'll be doing it solo up here though, so, it'll be a lopsided rope. but, if i aim towards chi-town and you aim up here, maybe we can get cars all over the place to stop. or... that was just retarded and i need to go get my drink on so i stop typing, which i really need to do right now. stop typing.

So@24 said...

Whoa, I just referenced "gams" in one of my recent posts. Who knew that someone else in the blogging world uses 1940s slang too?

Eve said...

You must have been so psyched to finally appreciate breasts. It's like when you taste something you never liked, and it's actually really delicious. Like olives.

Drunken Chud said...

so@24 i am impressed. i seriously thought i was the only one who still used that outdated, thought classy, slang. you can't hear it, but i'm slow clapping as i type.

eve, it is a wonderous thing. though, since it is a new thing, i am finding myself in situations where i am staring far too long, and getting caught. at least with asses they have to turn around to catch me. heh.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

CHUD: Check out Elegantly Wasted's page. We are riffing off each other wonderfully.

Stickler said...

There is nothing better then staring at a pair of breasts in a shirt that is a little to tight for comfort and shows off cleavage and little bit of the bra! Wow...writing that just made me really hungry I think I have to order a pizza!