19 January 2008

... and never brought to light.

So I am slowly emerging from my annual cycle of drunkenness which I call my “hazy shade of winter”. Around this time every year I, for some odd reason, crawl into many many bottles and hide out there for about a month. Destructive? Perhaps. Fun? Oh hell yes. Well, from what I remember anyhow.

So, I got sick Christmas day, and not the brown bottle flu type sick. This was some traveling misery bug that started somewhere in my lungs and then for the next 2 weeks worked its way up and down my head/respiratory system. Come New Year’s Eve I had smoked one cigarette and drank two beers since Christmas Eve/Day respectively.

New Year’s Eve was spent at a bar that I personally think is less than lackluster, however, I had a bunch of friends there and really, anytime you can walk into any bar and know 70% of the people is always a good thing. However, the service sucked, the price was horrible yet I somehow managed to find a purple cowboy hat that was a few sizes too small and thusly rocked it, albeit at a jaunty angle. Cuz, well, that’s how I roll. Also, at the end of the night I was calling competing cab companies to see who would get to the bar first so as to save me a walk. I know not who won, as I left with a lovely woman who had her boyfriend in the backseat. Anyhow, I awoke to some nasty voicemails from some cab companies. Fuck em, they’re a bunch of rip off artists anyhow.

So, I was watching a TV show earlier in which there were statistics about rape, and rape victims. This got my blood boiling. It hits a special place in my brain and makes me want to commit many many interstate crimes which would lead to a federal case in which I’d have to plead long term temporary insanity due to the vile and psychotic act perpetrated on a loved one. The sad thing is, given the circumstances, I’m sure I’d be found not guilty. However, without going into trust defying horrific detail, I got to thinking about things that get me that mad. There are several things that get me doghammering mad, but only two that get me blood boiling mad.

So, now for my list of shit that gets me going:

5. People who vote for a candidate based on their stance on abortion. I’m sorry, but I thought this was decided on by the supreme court… THUS MAKING IT LEGAL PRECEDENT! Hey, asshole, why not vote based on their feelings on Brown v. Board of Education, or better yet, Miranda v. Arizona. They all have the same chance of being overturned as Roe v. Wade.

T4. Underground Comedy Movie/Michael Moore. Both are fake, not worth watching, and chronically over-hyped. You will find yourself yelling “cut!” in the middle of scenes and then crying in your pillow at night for subjecting your eyeballs to the horrors that be. Yeah, this critique works for both the aforementioned movie and the aforementioned rabble rousing neo lib.

3. unions. I think I have covered this one whole heartedly.

And now, for the blood boiling mad makers:

2. When I hear Nickleback’s “never again” I begin to get worked into a fervor. Without divulging any details which could be used against me, let us just say I had a couple of friends who got married. One decided to beat the other till she needed reconstructive surgery. SOMEONE beat him till he was unconscious for a month. With the baseball bat he tried to attack said SOMEONE with. I do not know who SOMEONE is… I only heard of this thirdhand.

1. Any tales of rape. I had a former ex, the previously mentioned loved one in the main post. She was a genius, and a beauty. The two things I needed in a woman. Unfortunately I couldn’t heal her pain, or comprehend it. Eventually she had to do what she had to do, and that didn’t involve me. I still think about her, and I still get insanely mad when I think about what happened to her. She confided in me one day, about the sheer brutality of the event. This was not your normal rape, this involved damn near attempted murder/ assault with intent. One day my good buddy (her ex) had mentioned to me that she was a bit of a tease and most likely brought it on herself. I’m not entirely sure what happened next, though I know I flew into a blind rage and scared the ever loving shit out of him. She later explained to me that she had never told him the details. He never spoke to me again. Her, I miss.


Rev said...

good luck with the " long term temporary insanity" after having posted it online.

joe said...

And now something which makes you laugh.


Drunken Chud said...

rev, to this day i know the identitites, i can still use that discovery as an excuse.

joe, i poop on your duty.

Scooter said...

Hmm. I think women ought to be offered free firearms safety training and vouchers for handguns.

joe said...

You do realize how many times Rev, Chud and I would have been shot at by now if that were the case, right Scooter?

Stepho said...

Yes, I disagree with the concept of vouchers for handguns. Free self defense classes are offered rather frequently, you can google search them. (My friends and I have all taken them.) Mace is another good option. So is owning a cell phone.

Dudes, if we start giving out vouchers to people who have had violent pasts and pretty soon EVERYONE is going to be coming around for one---and how do you prove necessity?

Also, I know that it is not nearly as common, but men are sometimes abused by psycho women, too. Would we offer men handgun vouchers? Would we just be handing out guns willy nilly? Wouldn't that be the smaller scale version of handing out nuclear missiles?

If you are not smart enough to use the resources available already, then you are NOT smart enough to just be GIVEN a dangerous weapon. It's not hard to locate training classes, and if you want a gun I think you should have to take the responsibility for getting off your bum and looking for the resources.

Stepho said...

Oh yes...tee hee, Joe said "duty"!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

The chick I just started seeing told me about a dream she had where some homeless guy broke in her house and raped her. I KNEW it didn't happen, but I still got so mad as she was telling me the details.

I don't care for "the rape" either.

Glad you posted again!

Drunken Chud said...

ok, rev, that was supposed to say, " i still don't know the identities." so, you see, the discovery of said identities could send me into a psychotic episode.

fuck that scooter, women are so unstable they'd kill every man that so much as looked at another woman. i'd be dead ten times over.

joe, you and i would have been dead, rev dates enough crazies that they might hold off on the trigger so they can "make him love them".

stepho, i get where you're going with that, and i agree. but to call a girl "not smart enough" for getting raped... i have to disagree. but you know, that's cuz i don't fault someone for getting killed either. :-)

dr. ken, i'm glad i posted again, i'm just pissed it was such a shitty topic.

Messed Up said...

the easy way to make you feel a little better,after the damns have been let out you have a friend of a friend do a little beating with some sodomy on the side, now this dose not fix it or really make it better, but it is my under standing that ones a raper you have 80% that you will do it again. now the only help after the fact is after he has been violated you have said friend of the friend tell him that is what was like for her. now that dose help some find the path but you must always remember to take photos in case you hear that said person may have done this disgusting crime again, in that case you send one photo to his house and another to his place of work the first has written on it do you want more? and the other stats this is what I like to do to helpless girls.

now I know this is of little help to the ones that have suffered, and it is not like you can just say hay look what i did for you (because then she will jet thinking you are crazy as shit)but you never know you may have helped some one, and if nothing more then trying to teach some one right from wrong.
that is all i have to say

Stepho said...

Chud you misread my comment. I didn't say that a lady is not smart for getting raped....I said that if a lady wants a gun she needs to be smart enough to pick up the phone book and figure out how to get one on her own. I was referring to gun vouchers, not the act of rape.

Drunken Chud said...

messed up, if i knew someone willing to sodomize somebody i just might try that. of course, snapping their necks works just as good.

stepho, that's kinda what i thought, or hoped rather. cuz really, i'm against the gun voucher idea too cuz yeah, i'd have been deaded by psycho exes a long time ago.

Kristin said...

Good to read you. Would be better with pics of you rocking a purple hat, but whatever. It's a new year.

I definitely appreciate your position on rape. And Nickleback.

So@24 said...

Miss your rants Chudsy. I think every one is on board with each of those points

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

With this one sentence you brightened my day: I am slowly emerging from my annual cycle of drunkenness which I call my “hazy shade of winter”.

However the ending was a little vicious. I have friends who have been raped and hearing about it makes me want to seek these mf'ers out and chop their balls off.

Drunken Chud said...

kristin, i am trying to get ahold of some pics to post. soon, i hope.

so@, i'm a little behind in my blogging right now. you know, drunken haze and all.

chardonnay, i'm glad i could lend a little duality to your day. i meant to start out on a light hearted post, but apparently fell a little flat at the end. the next should be better, as i assume it will be a birthday post which will with all hope involve drink, sex, cops, robbers, cowboys, indians (squaw only), and maybe a couple beads. who knows.

Eve said...

Guys who say "she was asking for it."

Steph said...

You know what? Even though you try to hide it well you alcoholic bastard. You're a good guy.
I like you.