So, it’s been quite some time since I posted last… yeah, sorry ‘bout that. It’s not that I haven’t had plenty of material to post, or the desire, I’ve just been drunk. Well mostly drunk, mostly lazy, completely highly unmotivated. Plenty of people have given me tons ‘o’ blog fodder, I have just lazed around like the shiftless layabout that I am and let it all pass by. Then I noticed that Kristin tagged me to talk about 6 completely unremarkable things about myself. This was perfect, now all the blog posts I had swirling around my head I can now truncate and put into one list post. WOOOOOHOOOOOO! So go get your bubblegum and hold on to your potatoes cuz here we go.
1. I play a lot of video games. Actually, that statement could be taken wrong, I play video games a lot. I usually find one I like and ride it till it dies. For the past several months this has been Call of Duty 4. I play it online with friends and family, so we tend to roll deep. Anyhow, it being the World Wide Web and all we play with a lot of foreigners. In general I like foreigners, except the ones I don’t. Up until playing this game I used to like the British. Now as soon as I hear one of those limey bastards talk I pray to god that they are on the other team so I can kick their snobbish asses. Here’s the thing I learned from the Brits: The U.S. has never won a war against Britain. In fact the ONLY reason we won the revolutionary war was thanks to the French. So when you ask them if they’ve ever lost a war to the French, the answer is also no. Oh, and they don’t even acknowledge the war of 1812. ALSO, the Brits had WWI and WWII completely under control by the time we came in, and thus we weren’t needed. You can try to reason with them by asking such things as, “So, when the Luftwaffe was turning London into rubble during the Blitz and Churchill was on the phone with Roosevelt begging for our help… that was you guys having under control?” the answer you will get is something about the Blitz never happening or it not being “that bad”. Anyway, my new goal is to convince the UK to back the Pound by sterling silver again and then I want to find an enormous silver deposit somewhere so I can flood the market with silver and this completely devalue the pound sterling. Yeah, I’m an evil genius. Or not.
2. My Buddy Rev and I used to run a website with another buddy of ours named Navy. This website used to feature local bands and the like. Anyhow, after Navy started making the beast with two backs with Rev’s on again off again Weird Al look alike girlfriend, a rift was born. I was away at college and those two weren’t talking to each other and I cared not. So Rev was still toiling away with the website when I came home and he had booked a radio gig through a friend of his. He tells me of the show and I told him that I in fact would tune and let him know how much of a douchenozzle he came across as. The topic of conversation on the show switched to “things that used to be cool on MTV” so I figured I’d call in and talk about two of my favorite things from back in the day; Headbangers Ball, and the old Dennis Leary Commercials about Cindy Crawford. When the phone screener answered I recognized the voice and the name of a kid I used to hang out with every day in high school. We (Rev, the Screener, and I) were all good friends back then, so I have him put my name up on the screens as “Navy, still humping rev’s ex”. While on hold you get to listen to the show and then there was a pause, and the host said to Rev, “dude, take a look at line three… you wanna take it?” to which Rev replied “bring it”. So I tried to do my best Navy impression and let out a “dude”. I could hear the tension in Rev’s voice as I tried to keep up the impression and then he realized it was me and the jig was up. But I had my 10 seconds of glory on live radio. Told you. Unremarkable.
3. A kid I grew up with has this girlfriend. She is hilarious and loves to toast, I like to call her “cheers”. The other thing she does is use me as a jungle gym. Seriously, her and her sister love to just climb all over me. If I pick up my beer, I must pick one of them up too. Anyway, her boyfriend’s brother was at the bar, and he and I were fucking around like we always do, and he decided to try to pick my up. I assured him this feat would land him in the hospital with herniated discs and the like. He tried his damndest but just could lift my tank ass up. So I turned around and picked his ass up into a fireman’s carry. Well, as soon as Cheers saw this she wanted in on the action. First she tried to lift me, then I put her into the fireman’s carry. Then, upon insistence from others around me and with my buddy spotting me, I pressed her. Man, alcohol makes feats of strength that much more fun.
4. My mom Tivo’s Oprah everyday. When I’m home, and she’s home, she likes to watch it. I hate Oprah with a passion. Seriously, I think she is 100% fake and completely insincere and doesn’t know how to emote. Anyhow, all this aside, I tend to hear the things being said on TV while I’m sitting in my chair playing on the laptop. This is a huge problem for me, as I have caught myself many times starting a sentence of with, “well, that’s not completely true, I mean, there are Oprah episodes dedicated to that.” Or “I just saw something about that on Oprah.” And right now as we speak she just walked in and turned on Oprah and the topic is polygamy. I need to go to work.
5. I like to Tivo the show “the universe”. It’s an awesome and educational show. Seriously, I recommend it to anyone with even a passing interest in the world around us, and the worlds around that. However, sometimes I cannot wrap my brain around the way they bandy certain things about as fact. They can surmise things, and hypothesize, and even be pretty sure about things. When when something is so far away that it is barely visible I submit that you cannot tell me all of the properties of said object having never been able to examine it. I understand there is a lot of math, and science that goes into it… but seriously, you cannot tell me the composition of a planet as a fact just by observing a gray speck on some film. I take issue with that. You can say, “we assume it to be X” not, “it IS X”. still though, great show.
6. I am now ½ hour late for work. By the time I get to work, I’ll be 45 minutes late. No one will care. I like my job.
So, there you have it. Unremarkability and all.