06 December 2006

scenes from a livonia bar.

brother: ever seen "you, me and dupree?"
me: nope. but i wanted to. 
brother: good cuz i have it in my car. 
me: i have it in my nuts!
brother: you have dupree in your nuts?
me: no, i have jennifer aniston in my nuts. 
brother: fag, that was "the break up" you mean kate hudson.
me: yeah. well, bonus. cuz i can spank it to her, and her mom, whom at one point was a handsome woman.

me: holy shit is that k-fed?
table of people: holy shit i think it is.
me: he seems shorter. and gayer.
them: you should ask him.
me: nah, i'ma call the bar and ask if they know k-fed slid behind the bar.
nelly: wouldn't it be fed-x?
me: teehee... I GET IT, EX K-FED... FED-X!!!!
nelly: shut up and call.
(ring ring)jules: bench pub?
me: do you know you have k-fed behind the bar?
jules: yeah, please come kick his ass.
me: sorry, if i kick a gay man's ass that's a hate crime.

me: i'm grabbing your ass.
her: what?
me: i'm grabbing your ass. right now. my hand is on your ass.
her: what?
me: you're dumb.
her what?
me: dumb, you are. zero intellect. no sense. mildly retarded.
her: what? yeah.
me: i want to sex you in the forehead.
her: i like a challenge!

me: hey, you own a muffler shop, how much to bend up some pipe?
them: to go where?
me: test pipe. to replace the CAT.
them: one million dollars, that's the fine.
me: i'm not asking you to install it. just to bend it.
them: we can install a cat for $250
me: fuck that. i don't need anything installed. just some pipe bent.
them: well, with the way the Y comes in, we need a special CAT. so $35o.
me: are you retarded? it's a simple single CAT. nothing more.
them: no. no no. the Y goes in...
me: shut up. you're dumb. i don't want your services. a straight 6 '91 f-150 does none of what you say.
them: here's our card and a couple extras. give them to your friends. the prices we told you are only good for tomorrow and thursday. anytime after that and we can't promise you those prices.
me: i will not be coming to you, as you are both idiots and i wouldn't trust you with my truck if you payed me to.
them: remember, tomorrow and thursday only.

ahh the bar. i love it so.


Kristin said...

I'm so confused - I feel like I've been to the bar. Good times.

D said...

Your telling me i missed fed-x not freaking cool man

Scooter said...

Kevin Federline is dumb enough to hang out at a bar in Michigan.

Drunken Chud said...

kristin, it happens. i was confused last night too. it was like moron central in there.

d it was fucked up.

scooter, k fed is something, that's for sure.

Anonymous said...

Interesting conversations . . .

I hear they were giving away K-Fed tickets in Chicago. What a SCRUB!!!!

Drunken Chud said...

i heard he had to cancel most of his shows cuz he couldn't sell tickets. they were laughing at him on the radio cuz one of the hosts knew the one of the venues and it was a 200 seat venue he had to cancel to lack of interest.

Zen Wizard said...

Thank you for sharing these little "slice of lives."

Er, I mean, "slices of lives."

Or is it, "slices of life"?

Ah, screw it, thank you for sharing these little vignettes.

P.S.--Shouldn't Fed-X be in a commercial for Fed Ex? Wouldn't that be cool? He could file a response to the divorce papers, and say, "It absolutely, positively, must get to LA Superior Court overnight..."

(I wish I could get this idea to some Madison Avenue hotshot...)

D said...

Alright so we're adamantly discussing k-fed so awesome!

D said...

I have had a lightbulb moment in realizing who k-fed is yes i retract all previously made statements...the boy can rot in hell.