12 December 2005
No, i do not want to be your friend. asshole.
So I check myspace again today (when will I learn) and I have a friend request from ancient tongue. I don't recognize the name so I click on the picture which takes me to the profile. Those of you who have read my past post on myspace know I instinctively went for the stop button on the music player as it was prominently displayed at load up. So I look and this asshole is from long island, and then I realize this is a band. I already knew I was going to deny the friend request, cuz let's face it, you don't dilute an elite group, I would say even sought after group, with dregs. Whatever, I’m not adding this asshole so I figure I’ll peruse the profile for a second. What I saw was pure marketing genius! if you don't know what marketing is, and your name is corky, and you spastic colon, and you think that the best way to take a picture is to the hang the camera from a string and hit it with a stick to try to make it go off. I’m talking blurry shots of the band, stupidly long list of influences (yeah we get it, you're stoners), and "action shots" of the "band" in which every single person either looks really bored, or really boring. I’m going with both. So then I see that these guys have 7778 friends. Hrmm... with that many friends they should be able to get decent venue right? I mean, just have your friends come right? WRONG! I looked at the bored/boring photos, and I noticed something. Well, many something’s. A drop ceiling, clock on the wall, stark white walls, fire extinguisher, yep, they're clearly playing in office building. Look at the door. Their equipment set up looks like it was thrown together between snacking on cheeto's and zagnuts. So after all of this I decide that if the site is this freaking awesome, then I HAVE to give the song a listen. I almost wish I hadn't hit the stop button at the very beginning; it would have made the laughable experience even better. So I press play now, and give her a listen. Simple beat, kinda contrived, stupid sound effects, then the "singing" starts. now, I’m not sure if this is something only done in "underground" but if the music behind rises and falls, albeit very slightly, shouldn't your voice do the same? I mean, yeah, it's "hip hop" sort of, but shit dude, if you weren't so bored, or boring, you might be able to emote some in your music. But it is the worst fitting, laziest sounding, most contrived crap I’ve heard in a while. R-kelly’s opera is the worst. But anyhow, these kids from long island have lyrics that are all over the place, about being a self fulfilled prophet, and something about not being able to afford a house in the hamptons. I don't know, my brain turned off after manifest destiny. Anyhow, if you think you would like ancient tongue as your friend, or if you want to laugh at the hilarity that is them, I suggest you check em out.