24 January 2006


So, i wanted breakfast this morning. Apparently, so did Rev. the following conversation is testament to this fact:

[07:31] FindlayTex: how do you know when your stomach starts eating itself? as opposed to giving birth to an alien?
[07:32] Curtis: the alien doesn't come out of your stomach
[07:32] Curtis: the pain is IN the stomach
[07:33] FindlayTex: ahhhh!
[07:33] FindlayTex: thanks for clearing that up
[07:33] Curtis: why?
[07:33] Curtis: problem?
[07:33] FindlayTex: then i think my stomach is digesting itself.
[07:33] Curtis: yeah
[07:33] Curtis: I think we need to get breakfast
[07:34] FindlayTex: sounds tasty
[07:34] FindlayTex: and life giving
[07:34] Curtis: elias brothers buffet?
[07:34] FindlayTex: ack!
[07:35] FindlayTex: no!
[07:35] Curtis: no?
[07:35] FindlayTex: thaty's the most horrible thing to happen to breakfast since eggbeaters and turkey bacon
[07:35] Curtis: but there's a LOT
[07:35] Curtis: and there's sausage gravy
[07:35] Curtis: and awesome sausage
[07:36] FindlayTex: horrible eggs. horrible sausage gravy. the biscuits are always rock hard.
[07:36] Curtis: ok
[07:36] FindlayTex: i never have a good breakfast at big boys buffet
[07:36] Curtis: digest yourself then
[07:36] FindlayTex: fine
[07:36] FindlayTex: i will
[07:40] Curtis: I must eat LOTS
[07:40] Curtis: I am fungry
[07:40] FindlayTex: me too. but i cannot do big boy buffet.
[07:40] FindlayTex: it always gives me the shits, and it's never good.
[07:40] Curtis: there are no other buffets in the morning
[07:41] FindlayTex: yet i kept going, for years. till i finally had enough. and decided, it doesn't matter which big boy, which state, they all suck.
[07:41] FindlayTex: does bob evans have a buffet?
[07:41] Curtis: I haven't eaten in two days
[07:42] Curtis: no, and I hate Bob Evans
[07:42] Curtis: though they DO have good sausage
[07:42] FindlayTex: i haven't eaten at bob evans in years. so i can't attest to their goodlyness or badlyness
[07:42] Curtis: I went there about 7 months ago
[07:42] Curtis: bleah
[07:43] FindlayTex: meh
[07:44] Curtis: I have never liked their food, and it's ALL old annoying crochety bitter people that make the emperor look like Gandhi
[07:44] FindlayTex: hahahahahahahaha
[07:44] FindlayTex: nice
[07:45] FindlayTex: this is the problem with never having free time in the morning, or not being awayke in the mornings. you never know where the good breakfast deals are.
[07:46] FindlayTex: like the hungry angry lumberfucker special: 2 dozen eggs any style, a loaf of bread, 4 pounds of bacon, 2 pounds of sassage, sassage gravy by the gallon and big motherfucking thing of OJ. for 99 cents.
[07:47] Curtis: I actually laughed REALLY hard at that
[07:47] Curtis: lumberfucker
[07:47] Curtis: roll it ALL into an omelette
[07:48] FindlayTex: yes!
[07:48] Curtis: hunnnnngry
[07:48] Curtis: like the wolf
[07:48] FindlayTex: you're on the hunt your after food?
[07:49] Curtis: rrrrrrrr
[07:49] Curtis: there's always the senate
[07:49] FindlayTex: there is.
[07:49] Curtis: but....
[07:49] Curtis: I don't know. I need mass quantities
[07:50] Curtis: OCB?
[07:50] Curtis: do they do breakfast?
[07:50] Curtis: bleah
[07:50] FindlayTex: i was thinking about that, but are they even open anymore?
[07:50] Curtis: no idea
[07:51] FindlayTex: no OCB, they don't open till 11
[07:51] FindlayTex: and apparently the one on wayne rd is still open.

[07:59] Curtis: this does not solve the digestion problem
[08:00] FindlayTex: no, that's why i was looking up restaurants.
[08:04] Curtis: going to assume the fetal position
[08:04] FindlayTex: same here.
[08:05] FindlayTex: except that i have to drop a deuce, and the fetal position may expedite that process
[08:05] Curtis: I have no deuce to drop
[08:06] FindlayTex: ok, so let's go down the list.
[08:07] FindlayTex: senate. no cuz you need quantities
big boy no, cuz it's horrid and rancid and all that is evil.
bob evans no, cuz you have an a virgin to it.
OCB no, cuz they don't open for another three hours....
[08:07] Curtis: I also have only three singles and one hundo

[08:23] Curtis: ack
[08:24] Curtis: need to lie down, straighten back out
[08:24] FindlayTex: you do that

so, after an hour of talking about food, it's now 930am and i am no closer to eating than i was two hours ago. so... time to heat up some leftovers. ack. oh well, it's better than not eating at all. oh how i yearn for the delicous bacon and sassage straight from the grill of a local greasy spoon.
and now for some pictures and videos to tide you over. enjoy:

Remember those Chuch Norris facts I found a while back? Here's The Chucker on the Tony Danza show talking about some of them.
Heh, The Chucker on Conan. This time, he's got his OWN lever to pull.
The Chucker was here!? In Botswana?
How the fuck do you jump into a pond wrong? This kid will show you.


Kristin said...

I feel for you, man, men.

I miss the days when I lived in Colorado and some lady pulled up in front of the plant with a trunk full of breakfast burritos. That and the weekly order from some diner that delivered greasy breakfast goodness in 30 minutes or less.

I just ate a Quaker Chewy Granola bar. That's so not breakfast...

Drunken Chud said...

that is so not breakfast is right. mmm... breakfast burrito...

funny thing about the metro detroit area... NOBODY delivers. pizza is pretty much the only exception. there was a place that had chinese delivery, but they closed. i wish i could get greasy breakfast goodness in under 30... mmm... southern omlette... bacon... ok, i need to stop.

Scooter said...

Mouth is alive, with juices like wine...

Chairborne Stranger said...

breakfast rocks.

Stepho said...


Scooter said...

I think "fuck" in this context is meant to indicate death or injury. A lumberfucker would then be an individual in the forestry harvesting industry, or more specifically, a person who cuts down trees.

Or, it could be a very kinky wood fetishist.

Stepho said...


Drunken Chud said...

steph... lol... that's all i got...

Heidi said...

Mmmm... Now I am hungry...