The problem with drinking alone

So, in an attempt to recover from the days events, i have been downing whiskey at a rate of several ounces per quarter hour or so. However, this is not the problem. the problem as I see it is infomercials. I am a sucker for them. tony little the gazelle freestyle... Yup. ron popiel my own personal hero and his showtime rotisserie yup. ron's special set of knives... Which by the way is an almost identical infomercial and DEFINATELY the same knives as chef Tony and his miracle blade knives... yup. However, there's been a new comer on the scene of late. it's been on for about a year now, and it has characters (yeah, I said characters) with names like bourbon (who happens to come in hung over and all dissheveled) and hazel (who is clearly a young woman in old make up with a cigarette that never actually burns just has an inch long ash) who comprise the cast. For those of you in the know, you already know i am talking of the magic bullet personal countertop magician. I love this thing, I so badly want one. I can make alfredo sauce, salsa, omelets, muffin mix and quesadilla filling and the like, all in under 10 seconds. Give or take of course. I mean, I would have to have all my ingredients prepped and ready to go in proper amounts... But 10 seconds... I can use the same container I blended in to put in the microwave and heat. or I can snap on the shaker lid and shake my freshly grated Parmesan (that I grated in under 10 seconds) onto my spaghetti, which I invariably made the single serving sauce in under 10 seconds as well. now the real appeal, is the mugs. You can make margarittas or daiquiris or whatever in your own mug, and then slip on the personalized (color coded) drinking ring and have at thee. ahhh... Someday when I am rich and famous I will own one. until then, I must watch, and be amazed by hazel's infinite cigarette, and bourbon's most slovenly appearance... ahh... heaven in 10 seconds or less. Yes, there is a god, and he makes infomercials.